


Holding On

by Kicchi



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hospital, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Muteness, Suicide Attempt, Violence, and even protective!moriyama, hint of ImaIzu, protective!imayoshi, protective!takao, slight MitoKoga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-02 05:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4047052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kicchi/pseuds/Kicchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one would have ever guessed, that their comments would take Izuki that far. No one would have ever guessed that one day, they would lose their cheery and clever, pun making point guard just because they were being stupid and didn't think.<br/>________</p><p>"It’s gonna be okay”, he told to himself and smiled a little. He closed his eyes and whispered, not caring about the tears on his eyes, while he was getting ready to quick motion of his hands; ”It will only hurt… once.”</p><p>ON HIATUS RIGHT NOW SORRY ;/ I'LL CONTINUE THIS AS SOON AS I AM ABLE TO!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is my very first KnB fanfiction ever and I really don't know why I decided to do angsty one. Actually I got this idea, when I saw a picture on tumblr and, well here it is :3
> 
> Also I think HyuuIzu is too rare pairing, and need more love ;___; (and Izuki/and other point guards need more brotp moments)

* * *

After Izuki had arrived home he had stared their corridor for a good fifteen minutes, before he snapped out of his thoughts by his mother’s voice calling him. Apparently his mother had been tried to get his attention for a while now or at least since Izuki had arrived home, hair dripping water.

The point guard blinked and looked at his mother’s; ”Huh? You said something?”

The woman looked at her son with a concerned eyes. ”Are you not feeling well?” the woman asked. She reached up to touch Izuki’s forehead and tilted her head. ”You don’t feel like hot or feverish.”

Izuki closed his eyes and let out a weak laugh. ”No it’s, I mean I am fine”, he told and kicked his shoes off. ”Just a rough practice, so I am a little bit tired.”

”Oh, okay”, his mother told and then took a better look on her son. ”But you are awfully wet! Why didn’t you take some ride at home, I bet you are freezing, honey. Look, I am going to warm a bath for you and make you something to eat okay?”

Izuki sighed but nodded. He picked up his school bag from the floor and started to make his way to upstairs and his room. He threw his bag on the chair and himself on the bed, not even caring to get it wet. Izuki looked at his table and knew, that he probably should do the homework. Probably, but not caring about that right now. He was not in the mood and surely he would tell something to his teacher.

Izuki turned to look back at the ceiling, blinking and then narrowing his eyes. The practice had been, well usual. They made a new game plan and practiced shooting, Kuroko still not getting any balls in the basket. Somehow, Izuki still felt pretty hollow and to be honest he totally knew why.

* * *

 

 

_”Izuki, just shut up”, Hyuuga groaned probably for a fifth time in an hour. They were in the middle of the practice and the point guard had been his usual self, shooting his ridiculous puns when ever he got a chance to. Izuki was well aware that his puns annoyed their captain but what can he do about it. This was his personality and to be honest, it was pretty hard to change yourself just because of the small thing which annoyed only one guy at the team._

_Or also few others._

_”I have to agree with Hyuuga right now, Izuki”, Kiyoshi said. Well, that was rare because usually Kiyoshi liked his puns, not getting the point of them, but liked them. ”Look, we have had pretty hard practice and your jokes are getting pretty much in everyone’s nerves.”_

_”Thank you, Kiyoshi”, Hyuuga praised and threw the look on Izuki, while rubbing his temples. Izuki blinked few times before smiling and rolling his eyes; ”Oh come on. I am just trying to lighten the mood here.”_

_”Well you know”, Hyuuga started and shook his head; ”Don’t.”_

_The point guard threw his hands to the air, not really feeling that offended. It’s okay, he was use to this, though it really hurt that his childhood friends were thinking this way, but he was totally okay. Not problem at all._

* * *

 

”Shun, honey?” his mother called him, once again snapping him out of his thoughts. His room door opened and the woman looked inside, smiling gently; ”The bath is ready.”

Izuki stood up from the bed quickly and nodded, smiling. ”Thanks mom”, he told and watched as the woman closed his door, instead dropping his smile. Izuki scratched his neck, sighing and while walking, took off his basketball team’s jacket, throwing it on the same chair where his bag was. Taking his towel from the door, he walked to the bathroom, locking the door so he would get the privacy he had been waiting after he got home.

Taking of his shirt and pants, putting them on the laundry basket, Izuki walked to the mirror and wiped the steam away from his reflection. He leaned down on the sink and washed his face, before looking at the mirror again.

Am I really that annoying?

* * *

 

_Wow, he had actually managed to piss off Kagami-kun and even Kuroko-kun in fifteen minutes._

_”Izuki-senpai”, Kagami had started and threw the basketball on the air and to the basket, before turning to look at the point guard with a slightly annoyed look. The red head, looked like he was struggling with his words but said anyway: ”You should really stop with your puns… I mean, no one really gets them and, don't you think you are going a little bit too far with them?”_

_Izuki shook his head. ”You are not genius enough to get them and trust me”, he said and smiled widely. ”I know that you are not smart enough… Because I remember the incident where we all helped you to study in your test so you wouldn’t have to quit on bask-”_

_”While I really don’t like to agree with Kagami-kun”, the voice was heard next to Izuki, making both him and Kagami jump a little. ”I have to do it this time.”_

_Izuki looked at the small light blue haired boy and then at Kagami then back at Kuroko._

_”Oh, I see”, he said grinning. Izuki rose his gaze back to Kagami and winked: ”I can see that you are totally in_ Kurontrol _”_

_”Izuki, I swear to God”, Hyuuga growled nearby and threw his towel on the bench. The captain walked to their point guard and closed his eyes: ”You say one more pun and I promise you that I will hire a gang kick your ass and ruin your left arm, so you can’t make those shoots for a month, okay?”_

_The point guard blinked away his shock and opened his mouth, grinning: ”But then that means I would be_ allright _for a month.”_

_Hyuuga’s eye twitched: ”Izuki, do us all a favor and die. Now shut the fuck up and make twenty laps around the gym.”_

_Izuki smiled and laughed, not caring if it sounded forced. He brushed the feeling off and turned around. ”Yes, yes, captain”, he told and went off running outside._

_”Umm, wasn’t that a little bit too harsh?” Koganei couldn’t help but ask, watching after his friend and then at Hyuuga. The captain pushed his glasses up and shook his head. ”Someone had to tell him that, besides”, he started and nodded towards the gym doors. ”He is Izuki, he will recover soon.”_

_Outside the gym, Izuki leaned against the wall and looked up to the evening sky. He rose his hand on his chest, not really knowing how he felt. Surely they have been telling him that earlier, that his puns were annoying, sure. But…_

_…yeah Izuki really didn't know how he felt._

* * *

 

Izuki leaned on the edge of the bathtub, swirling his wet hair around his finger. He closed his eyes and tried not to thought the practice, or everyone’s faces. Tomorrow would be a new day. Maybe they wouldn’t ever remember this and maybe he didn’t remember this tomorrow and they all would be alright at school.

drip… drip…

”What the-?” Izuki blinked and rose his hand on the face. He felt something wet, definitely not the bathtub water but tears, rolling down on his cheeks. The point guard laughed it off and wiped the tears off with his arm. ”No, no, no”, he chanted and sniffed. ”It’s okay, I am okay… I am used to this.”

Izuki bumped back of his head on the tile wall, looking to the ceiling. ”This is stupid”, he muttered. ”Totally, stupid… Why do I even care? It’s not like they need to like my puns, right?” the point guard asked from no one particular. He dropped his gaze to the water and whispered; ”Right?”

He rose his hand on his chest, like he had done at practice and frowned. ”Then why do I feel so miserable? Why does my chest hurt when I think about this? Its not like I am not used to be scolded…”

Izuki reached up to turn the shower on, enjoying the cool water dropping down on him. He tilted his head to look at his reflection on the mirror and blinked. ”Would they be happy if I stopped my puns all together? Would I be the same person if I stopped saying those?” Izuki wondered put loud still staring at himself. He had never thought this way and it actually felt weird to think this deeply.

His gaze dropped to the counter just beside the bathtub. Izuki reached on it and took his older sister’s, Aya’s, scissors from it and looked at them, turning them around and back. ”Would they even care if something happens?”

Izuki narrowed his eyes tiredly. Then he gasped and threw the scissors on the other side of the bathtub. ”Wow, no”, Izuki said to himself, swallowing hard. What the hell was he thinking? That, I mean, what the hell was he going to do? Cut his throat open or wrist open, what?

_”Do us a favor and die.”_

_”Shut the fuck up, Izuki!”_

_”Shut up, or I swear to God!”_

The point guard flinched and shuddered. He wrapped his arms around himself, closing his eyes. ”I am okay, I am okay… Take deep breath and-” "

_"Don’t you ever quit your jokes?"_

_"You are ruining the mood."_

_Die, Izuki. Just go and die."_

Izuki opened his eyes wide open, looking down to the water, not really seeing anything since the dropping water made the surface blurry. Izuki let out a weak laugh, full of bitterness and amusement. It was not one of his usual laughs, because it sounded foreign. Even for him.

”They wouldn’t care… They would be happy”, Izuki said to himself. He looked other side of the tub, where he had threw his sister’s scissors, and reached to pick them up again. ”Hell, I can imagine Hyuuga jumping up and down from the joy as he hears that no more puns from me”, he snarled bitterly and leaned back to the other side.

He rose the scissors a little, looking at them against the light, watching they shone. They looked pretty sharp, well of course they were sharp, they were fucking scissors.

Taking a deep breath, Izuki lower his hands and taking the object just on his right arm and placing the sharp end on his left wrist, stopping the motion quickly after. He frowned a little and thought for a moment; Would this be the answer so my puns would stop? The end for my jokes?

The point guard looked to his side and his reflection. Maybe if… He lifted his right hand up on his throat, swallowing. He breathed deeply in and then out, before dropping his hands down. ”I can’t do this”, he told to himself and shook his head.

_”You are getting everyone’s nerves.”_

_”No one gets you anyway…”_

_”I have to agree…”_

_”Shut up.”_

Izuki stopped his head motion and narrowed his eyes. He looked at his reflection once more, before rising his right hand and the scissors on his throat, left hand joining the right and taking the tight grip on the object. His hand trembled, but taking a few deep breaths, Izuki managed to calm himself down.

”It’s gonna be okay”, he told to himself and smiled a little. He closed his eyes and whispered, not caring about the tears on his eyes, while he was getting ready to quick motion of his hands; _”It will only hurt… once.”_

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I just had to upload the actual chapter here... And I apologize for my bad english and bad angst... Don't be mean :(
> 
> Enjoy this :)

* * *

”Okay, everyone gather up!” Riko yelled after she had whistled and motioned everyone walk in front of her. The Seirin team stopped their warm up and obeyed their coach, making their way towards her.

The girl crossed her arms in front of her chest and eyed the team. She cocked her eyebrows and blinked few times. Something was off or more likely missing. Riko opened her mouth but closed it right away, before opening it again.

”Where’s Izuki?” Riko asked in confusion. She looked around the gym, watching as the rest of the team made the same movement. She looked at her team again and repeated the question louder, while looking straight to Mitobe.

The mute boy blinked and made a weird face, while Koganei decided to answer for him instead; ”He said that he hadn’t been in geography class and I didn’t see him in english.”

Riko frowned in confusion and turned to look at Hyuuga and Kiyoshi. ”What about you two? He is hanging around with you guys all the time”, the girl asked from the duo, who looked as confused as the others. If not more.

”Umm, he wasn’t at math class or at lunch”, Kiyoshi started and scratched back of his neck. ”To be honest I haven’t seen him whole day, not after yesterday’s practice”, he turned to look at Hyuuga who nodded in agreement, still looking like he was thinking hard.

Hyuuga liked to think that Izuki was probably sick. He really wanted to think that, so much but somehow he didn’t do that. He didn’t know if it was because Izuki was his very good friend, but he knew something was wrong. Brushing these thoughts away he focused back on his team mates.

”Why don’t we ask Takao- _kun_?” Kuroko peeped in and soon everyone turned to look at him, all of them mirroring the same expression, with eyebrows up to their hairline. Kuroko would be lying if he said that the expression didn’t annoy him. But stared at them blankly.

”I have to ask”, Kagami started and looked down at the smaller guy. ”Why would Shuutoku’s point guard know where our point guard is?”

Kuroko looked up to the red head and looked at him with pity. ”Why are you so stupid, Kagami- _kun_?” he asked casually, causing Kagami narrow his eyes dangerously. ”Don't worry, I still like you”, the light blue haired boy told quickly and added; ”I mean Takao- _kun_ and Izuki- _senpai_ are very good friends with each other, so maybe Takao- _kun_ would know.”

”What-what do you mean about very good friends, Kuroko?” Hyuuga had to ask, feeling like hitting himself, but was lucky enough that no one heard him anyway.

”Okay, Kuroko”, Riko said and took her phone from her pocket and threw it to him. ”Go call him.”

Kuroko almost dropped her phone, but managed to took a hold on it. Before he walked on the side of the court, he hit sniggering Kagami on his side with his elbow and shoot a death glare.

The boy dialed Takao’s number on his coach’s phone and pressed the call button. It took a while, actually ten rings before someone answered.

”Good afternoon Takao- _kun_ , do you-” Kuroko stopped when the answerer wasn’t Takao, or it was but-

_This is Kazunari! You weren’t able to reach me but that’s okay! Just leave the messages and I will call you right back, okay? Thank you, bye!_

Kuroko blinked few times, not noticing when he had taken the phone a little bit further away from his ear. He really liked to hear and Takao’s cheery voice didn’t help the situation. The blue haired boy decided to try again, only hearing the voice mail again, so he decided to leave the message.

”Hello, Takao- _kun_ , it’s Kuroko. I am calling from my coach’s phone and just asking if you have heard anything about Izuki, he didn’t come to practice. Or at school. So, call when you have this message, please.”

With that, Kuroko declined the call and walked back to the court. His team mates turned to look at him with questioning looks. Before Kuroko could say anything about the call, Hyuuga started to ask the questions: ”Did he answer? What did he say? Is Izuki with him or is he sick? Tell us, Kuroko!”

Instead of looking Kuroko now, Hyuuga felt everyone’s gazes on him. Some of them knowing, well Kiyoshi’s face knowing but others were just totally confused.

Kuroko sighed and gave the phone back to Riko. He shook his head. ”He didn’t answer, instead of that I think I am deaf from now on”, he started rubbing his ears. ”I left him a message. I think Takao- _kun_ will call us back soon.”

Everyone nodded and Riko looked at their faces. They all looked worried and anxious. The girl sighed and tried her best to look happy and gave them smile. ”Okay, everyone”, she started catching everyone’s attention. ”While we are waiting a call from Takao, we should probably do something what will get our thought off about Izuki, he is probably sick at home. So after this we all can go and cheer him up, okay?”

The team nodded and Riko smiled more easily now. She clapped her hands together. ”Okay, so I made some new game plans since we are going to have our practice match against Touou this week”, she started and took some papers from her bag. ”So what I suggest is that, since they pretty much know already how we play, Kagami enters zone and Kuroko passes balls and so on”, everyone looked at her with wide eyes. Not that Riko wasn’t right but she would have said that more kindly ”, what if we put first years, minus Kagami and Kuroko on the court.”

Kagami blinked and opened his mouth but Hyuuga was faster: ”Or then we can teach Kuroko to make Meteor Jam.”

Riko looked at the captain a little bit offended. ”What am I trying to say is, that we should give others a chance too”, she told and pinched bridge of her nose. ”Look, they are not going to get better if they are sitting on the bench on every game.”

The first years looked at each other, pretty nervously and Riko couldn’t help but roll her eyes. But no, she cant say anything mean. She was the coach so she has to motivate her team. The girl smiled to Furihata, Kawahara and Fukuda. ”Don’t worry. You are going to be good, our team believes in you.”

Furihata looked at his friends and offered a slight nod for them to Riko, while swallowing. The coach smiled and whistled; ”Okay everyone! Let’s practice and-”

The phone went off and everyone fell silent. Riko made a quick motion and took the phone from her pocket. The girl’s hopeful gaze fell soon and it darkened as she saw her dad calling. Riko sighed and turned to the team. ”I am going to answer my dad, who should also be here to train you but I guess he forgot”, she started. ”So you start practicing, I come right back.”

With that Riko walked out of the gym to take her dad’s call, while the team turned to take the basketballs and start the friendly match. The first years, still minus Kagami and Kuroko, were on the court with Kiyoshi, Mitobe and Koganei, while the said red head and blue haired boy sat beside Hyuuga on the bench.

”You are worried, Hyuuga- _senpai_ ”, Kuroko said suddenly, not even looking at their captain. The older boy looked at their phantom player and cocked his eyebrow. ”I don’t think I know what you are talking about”, he answered. "Of course I am worried about him. It's obvious."

Kuroko turned to look at Kagami knowingly, getting a nod from him and then looked back at Hyuuga. ”I mean, you are being worried about Izuki- _senpai_ a lot more than we are”, the light blue haired boy tried again. ”Because you are thinking about him a lot differently than-”

”Okay”, Hyuuga stopped him quickly. He let out a nervous laugh and shook his head. ”I think you are wrong, Izuki is my long time friend, we have known each other since we were kids. So I may be more worried than you guys are but that is just because we are childhood friends and we have known each other that long”, he continued and pushed his glasses up.

Kagami cocked his eyebrow. ”Wow, _senpai_ ”, he started. ”You are being awfully protective of your feelings”, he finished with a grin.

Hyuuga narrowed his eyes; ”I swear to God, Kagami I will-”

He stopped his sentence as he saw Riko coming back to the gym. Hyuuga stood up quickly and looked towards their coach, making Kagami and Kuroko look at the same way.

”Hey”, he called trying to get her attention. ”What did your dad say?” Hyuuga asked but feel down too weird. Actually, the scared and nervous feeling made its come back inside him and he didn’t know the reason to it. What he did know was, that he didn’t like the feeling.

Riko walked to them, with odd expression on her face, not really looking at any of them.

On the court, Kiyoshi stopped the game, when he saw the girl made her way back to the gym. The team walked to the benches and Koganei looked at Hyuuga, who instead of anyone else looked at Riko.

”Riko”, Kiyoshi started and touched her shoulder gently. ”You okay? You have gone all pale-”

”My dad”, Riko started, cutting Kiyoshi off. She rose her other hand on her lips and bit on her nails. ”He-he…” then the trembling started. This didn’t help Hyuuga’s anxious feeling; Deep breath, in and out. It’s okay, it’s not bad.

”He called and-” Riko closed her eyes and swallowed. Making finally an eye contact with Hyuuga, looking at him with sad and somehow terrified eyes. ”We are quitting our practice and making our way to hospital”, she finished and swallowed; ”It’s Izuki and…”

Hyuuga felt his world coming crumbling down. Just hearing the words ’It’s Izuki’ made his whole heart sunk in his chest.

Beside him, Koganei cleared his throat and asked; ”Is, did he- I mean, how bad the situation…is?”

Riko took a deep breath allowing her emotions to come on surface. ”Aya, Izuki’s sister had called him and her voice was shaking.”

If Hyuuga’s world didn’t crumbled down earlier it sure did now. Suddenly he realized what the odd feeling inside of him had been whole day. It was this, he didn't know how it was possible, but somehow he had been afraid of this kind of moment.

_He was terrified._

* * *

 

They all ran from the bus and through the hospital’s parking lot inside the building. All of them were breathless. All Hyuuga could hear was his own heartbeat beating loudly on his chest, his breath harsh and sweat dropping down from his forehead.

He had always hated hospitals. But who doesn’t hate them, it was a real place. And this cruel face had his friend right now. Somewhere. They all made their way to the service point and caught one of the nurses attention.

”Oh, how can I help you?” he asked politely looking at Hyuuga and then at Kiyoshi, who took the speaker role, since Hyuuga looked too shocked to even talk right now. ”Hi, do you know where patient Izuki Shun’s room is? He was brought here at night or this morning, we don’t really know.”

”Yes, just a moment, please”, the man said and turned back to look on the computer. He wrote Izuki’s name with the keyboard and the screen wet to loading mode. But it really didn’t take long enough when the man turned to look at Kiyoshi again: ”Room 208, walk down the corridor and the stairs up, first room on the left.”

After hearing this, Hyuuga already gone with the information all but running to the said direction, Koganei and Riko, with rest of the team following right behind him, Kiyoshi thanked the man and hurried after them.

The scene what waited them just on the other end of the stairs was gloomy, desperate and dark. What they saw was Aya, leaning against the wall just beside the door of room 208, with red eyes from crying and then Shuutoku’s Takao Kazunari sitting on the chair opposite of the door, staring in front of him. Shuutoku’s shooting guard, Midorima Shintarou was kneeling in front of the black haired boy, holding his hands between his owns and rubbing a thumb over his knuckles.

Hyuuga couldn’t make himself talk, so instead of Kuroko stepped from behind his team mates. ”Takao- _kun_ , Midorima- _kun_?” he said casually. Midorima didn’t even look his direction, keeping his eyes directly on Takao, while the black haired boy turned slowly to look at him. ”Kuroko…”

The light blue haired boy made his way to the couple, Kagami right behind him and sat next to the boy. ”You… How are you doing?” Kuroko asked quietly.

Takao shook his head, but didn’t say anything. Instead of him, Midorima answered: ”He did get your call, but we were already here so he didn’t answer.”

”Wait”, Kagami said and Midorima turned to look at him instead. ”How long have you been here?” the red head asked. The shooting guard turned to look at the clock on the wall, then back at Kagami; ”Since 2 am. I mean Kazunari has been here since 2 am. I came 3 am.”

* * *

 

Hyuuga walked beside Aya and touched her shoulder, Kiyoshi walking to other side. The girl looked at the Seirin’s captain and took a shaky breath. ”I-I don’t know what happened…” she told quietly. ”When I get home… All I heard was my mom crying, dad calling ambulance while Mai was sitting on the corridor with glassy eyes…” Kiyoshi wrapped his arms around her shoulders, while Hyuuga just stared at her.

Rest of the team, quietly made their way a little bit closer, but not that close that it was rude or disturbing. They all were gathered around the corridor listening Izuki's sister when she told what had happened. 

”I walked up to her asking what was the matter, but she… Mai only pointed to upstairs and I- I ran”, Aya continued. She started trembling. Rising her hand in front of her mouth, trying to stop her sobs she continued with small voice, looking now at Hyuuga. ”There was so much blood… How can that much blood come from the throat?”

* * *

 

_Aya all but danced when se made her way back to home. She opened the gate to their yard and hummed happily. Today she had really good day at work, getting praised by her boss. Absolutely nothing would ruin her mood now. She opened the door and all but sang: ”I am home! Mom! Dad! I had a great-”_

_That was crying, definitely crying. Her mom was crying upstairs. The thing what scared her was, that her mom’s crying was absolutely hysterics. Aya turned to look from the stairs to her little sister, who was sitting on the corridor, looking up the stairs._

_She made her way to her little sister and touched her shoulder, shaking it a little. ”Hey, Mai”, she said uncertainly. ”What-what is going on in here? Why is mom crying?”_

_Mai turned to look at her big sister but didn’t say anything. She just pointed to upstairs and Aya couldn’t help but notice her glassy eyes. She was going to cry too. Suddenly, Aya felt hollow, seeing her sister like this, mom crying… What on earth was happening here?_

_After making her way to the upstairs, Aya saw her father on the phone, his fingers taking a tight grip on his hair. ”Yes, as quickly as possible, I begging you… Thank you”, with that the man stopped the call and saw Aya. He gave her a sad smile and walked in front of her._

_”Aya…”_

_”What is going on?” the girl asked, looking at her father with wide eyes. ”Dad… Why is mom crying? Why, what… Tell me what is happening”, she demanded, not trying to sound harsh but couldn’t help it._

_She saw her father struggling with the words, what to tell her, but didn’t wait him to open his mouth, walking past the man and towards her mom’s crying. It leaded to the bathroom._

_”Aya, I begging you please, don’t-”_

_”Mom, what-” if her eyes weren’t wide enough earlier, now they were. On the floor, kneeling was her mother, cradling someone against her chest. The girl looked at all the redness on the floor. It was blood. Why was there blood on their bathroom floor? Her gaze fell back on the figure in her mother’s arms and her throat went dry._

_Aya slowly made her way behind her mother, ignoring the shakiness of her legs. She was scared, beyond terrified. It couldn’t be, no way. It can’t be right…_

* * *

 

Hyuuga listened as the girl went on with her story. Half listening and half on his own world, he thought what the hell had caused this? Was he really that bad friend, that he didn’t notice Izuki’s feelings? He had been so normal yesterday at the school and practice. Laughing, smiling, making puns while they…

The Seirin captain’s breath hitched. He got an awful and horrible thought in his head, mouth feeling like a desert. Could it be that… No, no way, that couldn’t be right.

Izuki’s room door opened and the doctor walked out. Aya recovered from her shocking story looking at the kind woman, who smiled at them with her red lips.

”Is… Is he”, Aya started, but couldn’t finish her sentence. The doctor, Mrs. Sato, looked at the girl and placed her hand on Aya’s shoulder gently. ”He, your brother right?”

Aya nodded. ”Yes, he will survive”, Mrs. Sato told and the whole corridor, Seirin’s team, Aya and Shuutoku’s couple sighed in relief, some of them actually tearing up. Aya buried her face in her hands and thanked the doctor many times.

”He need to rest right now”, the woman told and continued; ”The surgery was, I am not going to lie to you but really hard to do, so it was a miracle that he survived. It’s not really common to survive from that, the cut on his throat was really deep.”

”But he is going to be okay?” Takao asked, standing up from the bench, Midorima not letting go of his hands. ”Shun- _chan_ is going to be okay, right?”

Mrs. Sato looked at the black haired boy and the sad smile appeared o her face again. ”Like I said, he is going to survive”, she started. ”But-”

 _No, no, no buts_ , Hyuuga thought.

”-there was a damage on his vocal cords, so he is not able to talk.”

”Like, for a month or”, Koganei asked, walking a little bit forward.

Mrs. Sato shook her head. ”Maybe ever. We don’t know, this can be temporary but it’s possible that he has lost the ability to talk forever.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There have some fluffy MidoTaka to lessen your angst. :I


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, yes. I don't think this chapter is as angsty... okay it is but far more less than the other two were, okay! :) Here have some more fluffy MidoTaka and bitchfaced Kuroko (because why not?)
> 
> I wanna apologize all the mistakes in grammar there... and in this, but it is already 2 am. in here and I am kind of sleepy so... yeah, I am just gonna go to sleep so I won't collapse on basketball court at the game tomorrow...

* * *

They stared at the doctor with slight shock as they tried to assimilate the information she had just told them. The whole corridor stayed in silent, actually no one was brave enough to open their mouths.

”Wha-what do you mean by never talking again?” Hyuuga asked finally with unusually quiet voice, eyeing his team’s faces and eyes which were glued to the doctor. The captain let out a nervous laugh and took a few steps forward and little bit closer to Sato- _san_. ”I mean, you mean that it is only temporary.”

Sato- _san_ looked at the boys and Aya with those eyes, which screamed pity and sadness. It was that look, what doctors usually gave to the patient's friends or family members, which told that they probably won't succeed in something. Hyuuga knew this expression because he watched hospital series from television, since his mother was so into them.

”Like I said, the cut was deep”, the woman told and continued, looking at the closed door. ”The object what he had used as the cutting object went pretty much to his vocal cords and damaging them. So…”

”So you mean my brother is mute for the rest of his life”, Aya stepped in, feeling annoyed right now. She had wiped her tears away and stared at the doctor. ”My brother, who is great at school and is playing a basketball and having great future plans, is going to be mute for the rest of his life. Like, no voice ever again”, she continued: ”Are you _shitting_ me?!”

”Aya”, Kiyoshi started but grew silent when the girl rose her hand.

”I must ask you to calm down”, Sato- _san_ said firmly and Aya, who had opened her mouth to say something back to her snapped it shut right away and decided that it’s better to listen her and not make the scene. ”Look, we are going to give your brother some speaking therapy and in case if it’s temporary it is going to help him, usually the therapy helps in a year or two, but it can also take six years of him to speak with no struggling again, even twenty. But if there is no improvement in year or two, I am afraid that we can’t do anything.”

Aya turned to look at Izuki’s room’s door and bit her lip. ”What if Shun”, she started not looking at anyone and shrugged; ”What if he doesn’t want to recover?”

”Hey, hey, hey”, Kagami stepped in and let out a nervous laugh. Everyone watched as he moved his weight to his other foot and blinked. ”Why would you say that?” he asked and continued: ”I mean, isn’t it obvious that Izuki- _senpai_ wants to recover. He doesn’t want to be mute, right?”

Sato- _san_ shook her head and with a casual movement she put her hands in her lab coat’s pockets. ”I am afraid that what she is asking, can be also true”, she told truthfully: ”Many recover process depends on the patients cooperation willingness.”

* * *

 

_What is that noise? Make it stop._

Izuki took deep, voiceless breaths. He was awake, have been probably for ten minutes now, he didn’t know. He just felt so tired and he kept hearing voices, demanding. They were so loud! Izuki felt like snapping at those voice and told them to shut up, but he was too weak.

Wait? Where he was anyway? Izuki smelled the air and recognized this place as hospital. Yeah, definitely hospital, none of places could smell like this anyway. He bet that if he now opened his eyes, all Izuki could see was white here and white there.

That peeping noise was seriously starting to get on his nerves.

Then he realized that it must be the heart monitor. Yes of course it was, since this was hospital where he was right now. Heart monitors belonged in hospitals, right.

Speaking of… How he ended up at hospital and lying in one of the building’s beds? Izuki was sure that just a minutes ago he was in his room. Didn’t he came home from practice and collapse on the bed from exhaustion? No, then what happened?

Frowning slightly, the boy remembered the wetness. He remembered the sound of shower and the heat coming from the warm bath. Izuki’s frown deepened and he tilted his head to other side with a small movement, as he saw the slight picture of sharp object in his memories.

_Oh God._

He remembered rising the object to his wrist. Then to his throat. Why would he do that? That was the reason why he is lying here now? Izuki remembered how hollow he had been yesterday, not quite figuring out why.

In his head, the color red blurred his vision and thoughts. There was so much blood, the floor was billowing from it, painting the bathtub water red too. Someone was screaming and crying. His name was called for many times and Izuki wanted to answer them but he couldn’t. What is going on? That was his mom, she was sad and terrified. She was screaming and the point guard wanted to tell her to stop. _Stop screaming! What is going on? What is happening why everything is so blurry and-_

_Shut up!_

Izuki’s eyes flew open and he made a voiceless gasp as he sat up on his hospital bed in sharp movement. He couldn’t focus his eyes anywhere, even he saw his mom and dad trying to calm him down. Probably, he didn’t know. Izuki couldn’t hear anything. Everything hurt and ached, but most of all his throat hurt. So much that he felt like crying, which he probably did.

Izuki closed his eyes and gasped again. He felt like he was having a panic attack. Trying to take deep breaths, in and out, in and out, while containing the tears falling on his face. _Shit_ it didn’t help, he couldn’t be calm.

”-un! S...un! Shu...n!

 _Be quiet, please!_ he cried and begged in his mind.

” _SHUN_!”

His eyes flew open once again, now looking straight into his mother’s terrified ones. On her side, Izuki’s father was taking a tight grip on his wife’s shoulders and looking at his son. Izuki’s eyes traveled around the room and he met with her little sister’s eyes and then Aya’s eyes, who was standing nearby the door.

Izuki looked back at his mother, who now leaped forward to hug her son. She gave a tight squeeze and sobbed on Izuki’s shoulder. He however didn’t know what to do, just sitting there motionless and watching and listening his family’s cries.

”Don’t ever do that again, okay?” Izuki heard the woman say and nodded. She gave another squeeze to him as if she was afraid that Izuki would disappear and then leaned back on her seat, face looking miserable and more wet tears falling from her eyes.

Izuki opened his mouth and wanted to call out for his mom and tell her that everything was okay but-

His hand flew on his throat, eyes widening again. Again he looked at his parents with panic filled eyes. He couldn’t speak, why there was no voice coming out of his mouth. Izuki tried again, opening his moth but it was absolutely pointless. His mother tried to call him down and shushed him, but that was not helping right now.

Izuki’s eyes flew to the fifth person in the room, which he assumed was his doctor since the woman was wearing white coat and she had stethoscope around her neck. The woman took steps forward and stopped beside the boy’s bed, looking down at him with gently eyes.

”I am Atsuko Sato, your doctor”, she started with a warm tone. ”Nice to see you awake.”

Izuki just stared at her, quietly demanding some explanation. He wanted to scream at her and ask why he hadn’t voice? Where the hell has his voice gone? But oh right…. He couldn’t. All Izuki could do was stare at her with wide eyes.

”I assume you are pretty confused”, Sato- _san_ said and before Izuki could start protest by making hand gestures, the doctor continued: ”I am afraid that the damage on your throat had also damaged your vocal cords”, the boy’s eyes widened again, but she still continued: ”But, I have already discussed about it with your parents and we are going to give you some therapy.”

 _Therapy_ , Izuki mouthed to his dad, who nodded. The point guard turned to look at Sato- _san_ again little bit nervously but then also nodded, mouthing small okay.

Sato- _san_ smiled gently and then turned to look at the elder couple. ”If you mind I would like to talk to you two in another room about your son’s condition”, she said politely. Izuki’s dad nodded and helped his wife up from the bench. They gave smiles to Izuki, before went after the doctor and out of the room.

* * *

 

Seirin team plus Midorima and Takao, especially Takao waited nervously outside in the corridor. It had been already half an hour as Mrs. Sato and Aya ran in Izuki’s room, as they heard the heart monitor going wild.

Hyuuga walked back and forth, biting his nails and thinking about, well, everything. Most likely about yesterday and Izuki. He thought what had happened to Izuki that he had snapped. He was being his usual self, like he had thought before. Making puns and…

The team captain closed his eyes again and buried his face in his arms. This is not what he-

”Hyuuga, are you okay?” Kiyoshi asked, walking beside his friend and placing his hand gently on his shoulder. ”You are worried about Izuki, we all are.”

Hyuuga rose his gaze and looked at him. He really wanted to nod and tell that he was just tired, but…He didn’t want to lie. This was serious right now.

”Kiyoshi”, he started. He looked at the door of Izuki’s room and bit his lip nervously. ”Do you think this is our fault?”

Kiyoshi cocked his eyebrows and smiled, but this time the smile was odd one. ”How could this be our fault?”

Hyuuga made a quick motion, almost falling over when he turned now fully to look at his friend. He stubbled to keep his voice down but said: ”We told Izuki to shut up yesterday. It was us who made him feel bad… I remember clearly Koganei saying that we were too harsh on him.” ”Hyuuga”, Kiyoshi started. ”Aren’t you being a little bit too… you know?”

”No”, the team captain told him quickly. ”Izuki made weird expression yesterday after our comments”, he said. ”He made forced laugh, Kiyoshi. Forced! Izuki never does that.”

Kiyoshi opened his mouth to say something, but Hyuuga stopped him again. ”How long have we know Izuki, Kiyoshi? We have known him since freaking kindergarten and never, absolutely never has he done that kind of face or showed us any weaknesses”, Hyuuga told. ”You must admit, if this really is our fault… He is never going to be same again. Never.”

Kiyoshi thought about Hyuuga’s words, now really taking a focus on them. He really didn’t want to admit it, but their captain got a point. Maybe, a little point. But he couldn’t believe it, because… it simply wasn’t true.

Izuki’s room door opened and the boy’s parents and Sato-san walked out. Izuki’s mother stopped on her tracks when she saw her son’s team mates and smiled at them. ”How nice of you to come here”, she told, her voice sounding very tired from the lack of sleep. ”Shun have really good friends”, the woman continued and looked around the hall her eyes stopping on Kuroko. Or at least she looked at the same direction where the light blue haired boy was standing.

Offering one of his rare smiles, the shadow player took few steps forward so he wasn’t standing behind Kagami.”I apologize if this sounds stupid thing to ask but”, Kuroko started with gentle tone. ”How are you feeling, Izuki- _san_?”

Izuki’s mother was taken back with such a politeness from a boy who she didn’t even see earlier. Brushing that thought away, the woman smiled back to him and nodded. ”I am doing well, I think”, she started. ”At least now when Shun is awake.”

”He is awake”, Takao cut in. He yanked his hands away from Midorima’s grip and looked at his friend’s mother with wide eyes. ”Like, awake _awake_ … Not sleeping or dozing off.”

”Yes, he is totally awake”, the woman told to Takao, who sighed the tension disappearing from his shoulders. ”But… well, he is not able to…”

”Sato- _san_ told us”, Riko said, her voice still sounding a little off as she nodded towards the doctor then looked back at their team mate's mother, offering a reassuring smile. ”We are so sorry that this happened and we feel bad that I or any of us didn’t notice his-”

Riko stopped as Izuki- _san_ rose his hand. He places them back to his wife’s shoulders and looked around the hall and all these people’s faces who had just come to see that their son was going to be okay. ”You don’t have to feel bad about this, I bet this is nothing to do with you”, the man said. ”The important thing is that our son has this many good friends who came running to hospital as soon as they heard about his condition. So I will personally thank you about taking care of Shun.”

The whole team were in shock from Izuki’s dad’s kind words and couldn’t think anything to answer those.

Sato- _san_  cleared her throat: ”I am sorry to interrupt you, but if you please.” She looked at Izuki's parents.

”Oh right”, the man said. He looked at Takao and Midorima and then pointed his son’s room door. ”You can go and see him, try not to make too much noise. He still looked pretty tired, but I am sure he will be pleased to see you.”

Midorima thanked for him and Takao, and the crowd watched as their team mate's parents walked after the doctor and out of their view. The the green haired man looked at the others. ”Do you think it’s a good idea for us all walk inside his room?” he had to ask, because in his mind, that wasn’t a good idea at all. There were just too many of them.

”Well, then I say we are going in first”, Koganei stepped in and shrugged. ”I mean we are his team mates after all.”

At this point Takao looked as someone had kicked his puppy. ”But-but… we, Shun- _chan’s_ dad told us”, he motioned the space between him and Midorima. ”To go first…”

”Yeah, but that doesn’t change the fact that we are his team mates”, Kagami said continuing Koganei’s point and received an approving nod from the said boy. Suddenly his face gave in a painful expression and the red head looked down at Kuroko. ”Come on, that was already second time today.”

Kuroko rolled his eyes a little. ”I think Takao- _kun_ has a point here”, he said. ”They did come before us and it would be rude to go before them, don’t you think Kagami- _kun_?” he asked with a sweet tone, but Kagami knew this tone an edit was dripping with venom. So he couldn't help but nod.

Midorima walked behind Takao to the door, opening it for the smaller boy and just before the door was fully closed, the Seirin team heard Takao’s cheerful cry of ’ _Shun-chan_ ’ and then it closed.

The door however opened again and the team watched as Mai and Aya walked out, eyes turning on them. Mai offered a tired smile. ”We are going to get some coffee to ourselves. You can go in maybe in half an hour”, she told and started to walk away.

”Let Takao- _kun_ have his own moment first”, Aya said, slightly amused, but looking tired too and went after her sister.

* * *

 

Izuki blinked in surprise as he saw his friend from other school walking in with Midorima Shintarou behind him. Takao sat beside his bed and looked at him with wide eyes and smiling face, which pretty soon dropped as Izuki offered a smile on his own, and Takao’s lips started to quiver.

”Do you have any idea how terrified I was?” Takao asked and sniffed. ”Walking past your apartment at the night and seeing the ambulance with it’s sirens and lights on.”

Izuki blinked, feeling a little bit guilty but couldn’t help but wonder. He took the notebook, that Mai had gave him and wrote his own words on it. Great this is the way I am going to communicate from now on, he thought.

He flipped the notebook and showed his message to Takao.

_’What on earth were you doing walking pass my place at night? You don’t even live there.’_

Takao pouted as he saw Izuki’s small and knowing smile and shook his head. ”That is not the point here, Shun- _chan_ ”, he said and his voice had turned more serious now. ”The point is, that what the hell were you thinking? Why, oh God why would you even do this to yourself?” the boy asked, his light blue eyes falling on Izuki’s bandaged throat.

Izuki averted his gaze, looking down to his lap. He really didn’t want to talk about this. Well, what was there to talk about. Obviously he had tried to kill himself by cutting his throat open, not really succeeding in it, but… that was pretty much all he remembered. Everything else were kind of blurry for him.

”Hey”, Takao started and placed his hand on Izuki’s, which laid on the bed. ”Can you tell me what happened?”

Izuki bit his lip and then too the notebook again and wrote in it.

_’I don’t remember’_

Takao was about to say something like, Izuki can trust him he didn’t have to worry. Even Shin-chan is trustworthy here so Izuki didn’t need to hide anything. Well he would have said this, if he hadn’t noticed his friend’s troubled look.

”Oh my God”, Takao said quietly and watched over his shoulder to Midorima, who had his eyes on Izuki. Then the boy turned to look at the Seirin’s point guard. ”You really ca’t remember what caused you to do this, right?”

Izuki shook his head, looking miserable and sighed voicelessly.

”Well, don’t worry Shun- _chan_ ”, Takao said suddenly, smiling to him and cheering him up. ”You can remember it soon, I am sure of it.”

Izuki blinked few times but then gave a small smile, nodding. The tight tension was gone and Takao felt pretty proud of himself, brushing it off and replacing it with cheery on. He watched as the eagle eyed boy took his notebook again writing on it.

 _’I still don’t understand what you were doing at my house._ ’

Takao groaned. ”Yeah it is a funny story actually”, he said, scratching back of his head and ignoring Midorima muttering  _’Definitely not a funny story’_  and kept going. ”See, I might have stepped out of the train a little bit too early.”

Izuki cocked his eyebrow and his expression was screaming as he was saying ’ _Really? A little_?’

”Hey”, Takao said. ”Do not judge me, because _this guy_ ”, the boy pointed Midorima over his shoulder. ”Wanted his lucky item early this morning, so I have to get up and I was so tired and in my thoughts so I… stepped out from the train… At totally wrong station.”

Izuki bit his lip to hide his smile, turning his gaze on the window instead.

”Hey, Kazunari”, Midorima started, catching the said boy’s attention. He pointed at the door and Takao got the green haired boy’s point. He turned back to Izuki. ”Actually I and Shin- _chan_ are not the only ones here to look at you”, he started as Midorima went to open the door. ”There is actually quite a crowd behind that door.”

Takao moved to sit on Izuki’s bed so he was sitting closer his friend. Izuki blinked confusedly and tilted his curiously to look at who else was coming to see him.

As Midorima opened the door and made a hand gesture to invite whoever there was in, Izuki decided to relax on his bed and leaned back to his pillow, feeling just a little bit anxious ignoring it thought. His fist clenched around the sheets as the first one of is quests stepped in. His team’s coach walked in, smiling gently at him but it didn’t matter how friendly the smile was, Izuki couldn’t help but feel… was he _terrified_?

After Riko, the next one who came in was Koganei, then Furihata and after him there was Fukuda. This actually was a nice surprise. After Fukuda, Kawahara walked in and then… Izuki’s breath hitched. Takao could feel his friend going stiff next to him and turned to look at him. He blinked as he saw Izuki going pale.

”Shun- _chan_?” the boy said with worried tone and looked back the door, when Hyuuga and Kiyoshi walked to the room. He felt something or rather someone’s hand taking a tight grip on the hem of his shirt. Takao stared at the hand and then at Izuki: ”You are awfully pale, you okay?”

Izuki swallowed, ignoring the slight ache in his throat and just focused his wide eyes on his team mates. He wasn’t really sure why, but he wanted to answer Takao that no, he was not okay and it bothered him. Why would he act like this in front of his team? Like, they were his friends and…

_”Don’t you ever quit your jokes?”_

Then it hit him. The memories, his full memories of the events that day. Those people, his _team_ , was the trigger to it. Unconsciously, Izuki started to rise his hand and took a gentle grip of his throat, swallowing again. He felt like he wasn’t ready for this… He really didn't want to see them right now.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun. dun. dun. yes the assholes are here (no i like seirin guys but in this i hate them...) Okay, like I said that this chapter wasn't so angsty, I am afraid that the angsty moment are taking their come back in next one... sorry :I
> 
> EDITED: June 2nd  
> 2EDITED: June 3rd (again)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I appreciate if you guys read this before you are going to read next chapter :)
> 
> I want to make clear or actually tell you the fact why am I writing this fic, the reason is not just because i got inspired by some art, but because this is basically a true story. This is 'what if' -kind of story. I am not going to tell any kind of details why I did what I did, but I will tell you that every morning when I'm curling my hair and putting on my make up, I see "nice" white scar on my throat and it reminds me that if it had been anymore deeper, I may not be here or I may not be speaking.
> 
> So while I really appreciate negative comments, because I think those comments help the author to write story a little better, I hope you are still thinking about the author and what does she or he think about your comment. Because you can write the negative comment in polite way too.
> 
> Okay, this was long and it was not supposed to be this mean :D Because I love every kind of reader I have, even those who like to drop by and tell I suck, because seriously I don't care :D I will continue this story. 
> 
> And I wanna thank you all my readers :') Your nice comments and cheering makes my day brighter ^^
> 
> And then actual notes... Remember when I said there will be angst? A lot of it? Well... there is but... not lot of it. I put all my angst to this note :))))

* * *

”Welcome home, Shun”, Izuki’s mother said happily. The said boy sat on the dinner table with his family and smiled weakly to the woman.

Today was the day when he got out of the hospital where he had spend a week. Riko visited him everyday after school, bringing him the notes saying that it was her job to take care of her team and their education, totally making same expressions as mother hen would do. Izuki was happy that it was only Riko coming to look at him without the team. He really didn’t want to see them after their first visit they did.

It had been everyday awkward and to Izuki, terrifying experience, which kind of made him feel stupid. He knew these people, his beloved team, but… He had panicked, again. Izuki hated that he had been shaken up whole day, no matter who was visiting him. It had made him feel weak all over, which he wasn’t.

Well, the Seirin team visiting had ended there when Hyuuga walked out, after seeing Izuki flinching at his sudden movement closer and attempt to ask was he okay. No, he was definitely not okay.

After that, Kiyoshi had walked after him, like a big puppy he was his choices always depending on their captain’s doings. Kagami had looked confused as always, asking Kuroko what was happening, and the light blue haired boy had only shrugged. Kuroko looked at Izuki, flashing him a weak smile and the point guard averted his gaze.

Being a good friend and quickly catching on what was happening here, Takao had broke the uncomfortable silence, clapping his hands together and implying that Izuki was probably really tired and needed to rest, soothing everyone out the point guard’s room and went after them. Before he had went after Midorima and the others to the corridor, Takao had turned around looking more serious and said that he and Izuki will talk later about this.

Izuki had nodded to his friend and mouthed a small thank you, Takao responding to it with a gleeful laugh and wave, closing the door after him and leaving the Seirin player alone his room.

Luckily today, it was Saturday evening and Izuki was home with his family. Though the atmosphere was still pretty moody at Izuki’s part, but it was only natural to him feel this way after being released from hospital, his dad had said and touched carefully Izuki’s shoulder.

”Today, I and Aya have prepared all your favorite foods to eat”, Izuki’s mother said and leaned on her hands which laid on the table, watching her son carefully, who had his eyes everywhere but the table. The woman swallowed a little and made another attempt: ”We are having coffee jelly as a dessert, Shun.”

Izuki rose his wide eyes to his mother and just hearing his favorite foods name made his stomach growl loudly. The boy blushed a little and the woman laughed happily, taking her son’s plate and basically throwing food on it.

After the dinner, Izuki excused himself smiling thankfully to his parents and went up to his room. On his way there, he took the bag where all his things from hospital were and dropped it next to the bathroom door, not even bothering to unpack it.

He closed his room’s door and leaned against it, sliding slowly down to sit on the ground. Looking up to the ceiling Izuki closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Right now, it was meaningless to even mention but he really didn’t know what to do or how he felt. Without voice, Izuki was pretty much useless to even himself right now.

The point guard stretched his neck and brushed away all miserable thoughts. Not in the mood for those right now. He got up from the floor and made his way to the table, where his math book was waiting for him. At least the only subject he liked, would keep him in focus. Maybe…

Opening the book and sitting on the chair in front of the desk, Izuki started to focus on his homework. It didn’t take long when a small frown started to form on his face and he dropped his head on the desk, banging it on it few times.

This distraction was not going to work. It was far from it. Usually on Saturday evenings he would be with his team mates maybe at Kagami’s house eating while the Ace made food for all of them, which was absolutely delicious. Or then they would be at Maji Burger or playing friendly game on the street court.

But right now…

Izuki frowned, feeling suddenly irritated of himself because he missed his team. Let’s get this straight. Izuki wasn’t usually the person who blamed others or anything, but right now, the point guard felt like these whole damn events were their fault. It was like…

Sneering, Izuki rose his head from the table and took his phone out of the pocket checking what the time was. Or if he had any messages or phone calls, his phone was on silent. Nope, not from anyone. Not anything.

The boy shut the light of from his phone and threw it on his bed. Immediately, it rang shortly. Izuki blinked few times. A message? Izuki hesitated for a few second, before getting up and instead sitting his bed and checking who was messaging to him.

**_From: Takao Kazunari_ **

**_8.30 pm._ **

**_Hey, I heard you got home today! Congratulations, and I am sorry that I didn’t come to see you today :( I promise to make it up to you._ **

**_Are you free tomorrow? :3_ **

Izuki smiled a little, feeling lucky to have this kind of friend as Takao. Sure the boy could be sometimes, well scratch that pretty much always pretty tiring, he was amazing person to hang out with and talk to. Though, Izuki would ever tell that to Takao himself. Seriously, the boy wouldn’t ever let it go.

**_To: Takao Kazunari_ **

**_8.35 pm._ **

**_Yes, few hours ago. Just had a dinner and coffee jelly… I must say whoever came up with that idea of food, I am so jelly for-_ **

Izuki felt a sharp pain on his throat, flinching a little. The point guard swallowed carefully, before erasing the last sentence he wrote from the message. Now thinking a moment, Izuki felt like he would write the whole message again.

**_To: Takao Kazunari_ **

**_8.37 pm._ **

**_Yes, few hours ago. Just had a nice dinner with my family, and coffee jelly… To be honest, I am pretty tired so I don’t think I would have been a very good company today._ **

**_But tomorrow? Yeah, it’s Sunday… I don’t have anything to do, I guess… How so?_ **

Izuki put his phone on the bed, laying down next to it and waited his friend’s response. Which like usually didn’t take long.

**_From: Takao Kazunari_ **

**_8:39 pm._ **

**_Oh, I see you are still weak for coffee jelly… :D That is so cute, you are cute! Don’y try to deny it! I just want to see you tomorrow, so I will drop by at your house tomorrow morning! See you then!_ **

Izuki just blinked, typing just a short okay to his friend. Just when he was placing his phone on nightstand there was knock on his door. The boy turned to look the door when it opened and saw his dad’s head coming to the sight. ”Is it okay to talk you a moment?”

Izuki nodded and moved a little so his dad would sit next to him. The man smiled and stepped inside his son’s room and sat next to the boy.

There was a silence between them a minute and Izuki would have cleared his throat but… He only closed his eyes hoping his dad would say something soon.

”On Friday, I and your mother talked with your teachers”, the man started, looking at his hands resting on his lap. ”Also with your coach and the dean”, he continued as Izuki turned to look at his dad, with slightly widen eyes.

The man turned to his gaze on his son and smiled gently, but there was an odd glint on them. ”Your coach, she told us that you have a practice match against Touou on Monday”, his dad cut off again and Izuki had pretty good idea what the man was going to say. ”She said that it would be better if you wouldn’t take part of the match on Monday.”

Izuki opened his mouth in protest but shut it immediately, feeling miserable in moments like this. He looked around and caught a sight of his notebook on the table, taking it and rapidly writing on it. However, there was soon a hand on his own and the point guard rose his gaze on his dad.

”I know that you feel… _horrible_ ”, Izuki- _san_ said shortly and sighed. ”But your coach said it was better this way, you are not yet in condition of playing a harsh games, even though it is only a practice match.”

Izuki really didn’t know how he felt right now. All he do was stare at his dad with pitiful eyes and pleading him to tell that what he was saying was actually a joke. A bad one to be honest. Really bad.

”Then we, like I said, talked with your teachers and the dean”, the man started again. ”They suggested something what I and your mother already agreed on.”

Oh my God, this is going to be something bad… Izuki couldn’t help but think.

”Before your first period and after the last period, you will take an hour meeting with a school psychiatrist”, Izuki- _san_ told without any pauses, not letting his son interrupt him by making hand gestures. ”This is the thing and we will not discuss about it any further. I and your mother think it’s good for you.”

Izuki blinked at his dad, dropping the notebook and pencil on the bed. He felt the bed pounce a little as his dad got up from it. Izuki- _san_ placed his hand on his son's shoulder. ”I hope you know Shun”, he started and sighed; ”We are only thinking about what is the best of you.”

Izuki didn’t do anything, just turning his head a little bit away from his dad. When his dad didn’t move his hand away from his son’s shoulder, the boy made an eye contact with him and nodded, face blank. He was sure that even his eyes didn’t show any emotion right now.

When his dad left his room, Izuki collapsed on his bed, burying his face on the soft pillow and hugging it closer his ears so he wouldn’t hear any voice. It was only fair, since you couldn’t speak why to hear any voice either.

* * *

 

The Seirin team sat, like usually, on their Ace’s apartment’s floor waiting as the red-head cooked a meal for them all. They had been waiting about thirty minutes for food and even Kuroko had earlier tried to help Kagami with the food, he was soon send back to the others a bandage around his finger.

As the others chatted on something about Monday’s practice match, their captain, Hyuuga looked blankly outside of the window, blinking slowly. He tried to remember the last time when he was this bored or tired with his team mates. Oh, yeah, this has never happened before, usually he would be the one talking with Kiyoshi or maybe just little tease Kagami while he cooked for them or just talk with Izuki…

Yeah, that was the problem. The air between the team has been pretty tense whole week and nothing has been same as it was two weeks ago. That was when everything had been perfectly normal.

Two weeks ago, this time of hour, they all had been in this same room, but celebrating Kagami’s birthday with, well, pretty much everyone the red-haired boy knew, including Generation of Miracles.

* * *

 

_”Why on earth you have to be here?” Kagami said with a groan and pinched the bridge of his nose. ”Suddenly my birthday isn’t fun anymore”, the red-head continued as he watched certain Touou’s Ace, standing behind his door with a scowl._

_Aomine sneered and shoved a small present on the red-head chest. ”It’s not like I want to be here,_ Bakagami _”, he told truthfully. ”But because Kise was being his annoying self again and made those damn puppy eyes, this was only way to get him shut up”, the blue haired boy continued as Kagami let him inside his apartment. ”That is from both me and Kise”, Aomine told before disappearing in living room where basically everyone already were._

_Kagami flinched as he heard bright yell of ”_ Aominecchiii _!” from there and sighed. This was going to be a long evening indeed._

_”Why you look so bored Kagami-_ kun _?” a blank voice beside him was heard and Kagami was sure that this is what it felt like to have an heart attack. The red-head turned to look on his side and saw none other than Kuroko standing there and drinking his vanilla shake._

_”You never learn do you”, Kagami muttered holding his hand on his shirt trying to calm his breathing and felt his rapid heart beat. Kuroko only shrugged and the taller boy was sure he saw a smirk playing on the light blue haired boy’s lips._

_”Was it you who invited these idiots?” Kagami said, by idiots meaning the Miracles, even though he knew Kuroko’s answer already. The smaller boy however only shrugged and said: ”Who knows.”_

_The Seirin Ace sighed and put the small present from Kise and Aomine on the table in the corridor where he was standing and scratched his neck. From the corner of his eye he eyed Kuroko who still happily drank his milkshake._

_”Is it good? The milkshake?” Kagami asked nervously, not really knowing why he was nervous. The phantom player looked at him and blinked. ”It’s good I guess”, he told innocently making Kagami to drop his gaze on the floor. Kuroko smiled one of his rare smiles and walked next to him, patting the Ace’s back._

_”Kidding”, he told as Kagami looked at him again. ”Kagami-_ kun’s _vanilla shakes are the best.”_

_Just when Kagami was about to make a move, there was someone clearing a throat. Their both’s eyes turned to look at Hyuuga, who stood there his hand crossed against his chest._

_”I really hope I didn’t interrupt your moment”, the Seirin captain told sarcastically, but pointed over his shoulder and continued: ”Izuki and Koganei are done with your cake and it’s there.”_

_”Oh”, Kagami said and looked at Kuroko and then back at Hyuuga. ”Yeah, we are coming.”_

_They all stood in Kagami’s apartment living room, as Izuki walked in with Koganei and the cake they had been doing about an hour. Some of them had suggested to go and buy the cake, but Izuki had really insisted that he and Koganei would make one. And even they all were pretty timid about the idea, the cake look amazing._

_”Wow”, Kagami said in awe and eyed the cake. ”You are not as bas as coach, Izuki-_ senpai _, Koganei-_ senpai _”, the red head said, but so quiet that the certain girl wouldn’t hear him. Because let’s be honest, he would be dead by now._

_”Well, I had to agree”, Izuki said sounding a little proud and looked at Koganei. ”I think it looks pretty a-_ maize _-ing”, he told and the boy next to him snorted while others groaned._

_”Izuki, I swear to God”, Hyuuga muttered, but hide his small smile and looked as their Ace blew the candles._

_The cake was served and everyone agreed that it tasted delicious. Hyuuga walked next to Izuki, who leaned on the wall talking with Kiyoshi, who immediately left when he noted their captain making his way there. Izuki blinked confusedly but then noticed Hyuuga and smiled._

_”You liked the cake?” the point guard asked happily and the Seirin captain nodded, stopping beside the slightly shorter boy._

_”Didn’t know that you can bake”, Hyuuga told and felt like banking his head on the wall. That was smooth, very smooth. But Izuki let out a happy laugh and thanked him, still eating his own piece. They fell in comfortable silence, Hyuuga looking around the room and all the teens. They all were actually having fun and he looked as Shuutoku’s point guard was choosing a music to play._

_Hyuuga felt something on his cheek and turned his face to look back on Izuki who held out a strawberry to him. The team captain felt a heat rising to his face, thanking the lord that it wasn’t really visible. ”What… what are you doing?” he had to ask._

_”Yeah, strawberries are not really my thing”, the point guard shrugged and nudged it closer Hyuuga. ”But you like them! So open your mouth and say ’aaaa’”, the boy continued and pushed the strawberry against Hyuuga’s lips._

_The team captain hesitated for a moment, but opened his mouth and ate the offered strawberry. He would maybe deny it later, but almost choked on strawberry when the point guard licked his own fingers and grinned widely at him. Or did he imagine that and also that faint blush on the other boy’s cheeks?_

* * *

 

”Hyuuga-senpai”, a blank voice called him out of his thoughts and surprisingly, not even jumping the team captain turned to look at Kuroko who blinked up to him. ”The food is ready.”

Hyuuga took a minute to process the information Kuroko had just said, feeling like he was still in his thoughts and events two weeks ago. He cleared his throat as Kagami put a plate in front of him on the table and thanked the Ace.

There was silence between them as the team ate. It wasn’t uncomfortable but it was not comfortable either. It seemed like they all were in deep thoughts, which probably what the case was.

”I heard from the coach that Izuki won’t be playing on Monday”, Kiyoshi said, deciding to start the conversation. Not well decided topic to it if you asked from Hyuuga. ”Actually he is not going to join in our practices in two weeks or three.”

”That is almost a month”, Kagami pointed out wondering, not taking his gaze away from his plate. ”that must be pretty harsh for him too… I mean, like you guys said that one time. Izuki has played basketball longest from all of us.”

”Yeah”, Koganei joined in and swallowed the food. ”But he needs time to recover, right? It can’t be good if he immediately starts to train”, he said an looked at Mitobe, who mutely nodded in agreement.

Kiyoshi hummed also nodded but continued. ”He will probably still come to look our match, maybe?”

”Of course he will!” Kagami said and scoffed and everyone turned to look at him. ”He is part of the team and even when he isn’t playing, he will cheer us on. He is our friend and friends will always be there for each other.”

”That was pretty lame, Kagami-kun”, Kuroko told blankly, earning a gentle smack on back of his head.

Hyuuga on the other hand, couldn’t listen anymore. Leaving the food there he got up from his place where he was sitting and looked no one in the eyes. ”I’m sorry, I am not feeling that hungry”, he muttered and made his way to the door, ignoring the calls of his name. He just wasn’t in the mood right now.

* * *

 

He didn’t know how long he had been laying there, motionless and muscles pretty sore from the position, but Hyuuga didn’t care. Right after he had arrived home, not even greeting his parents, Hyuuga had walked to his room and collapsed face first on his bed, not moving an inch. Now he really regretted that position.

Slowly turning to lay on his back instead, Hyuuga stared at the ceiling. He didn’t want to close his eyes, because if he did, all Hyuuga could see was Izuki’s wide and terrified eyes staring at him across the room and from that hospital bed.

The feeling was terrible. That expression was something, what he had never wanted to see on the point guards face and the worst thing was, that Hyuuga might be the reason to that kind of expression on his face. Not might, Hyuuga knew he was. And that what terrified him.

The whole team was to blame and for the first time of his life, Hyuuga didn’t know how to fix this. He didn’t know or if he had even permission to call the certain point guard his friend again. All he could do right now, was cursing himself and blaming himself for making the person who meant so much for him, to attempt the suicide.

_He didn’t know what to do_ … The feeling was awful and the emptiness inside his chest was _painful._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh! Finally I made it... I edit this tomorrow, right now I am so tired because I just came home (yes it's night here and I wrote this on bus) from the basketball game and my head and arms and legs hurt like a hell ;___; I feel like crying.
> 
> Next chapter will be here on weekend or earlier, I don't really know :D
> 
> Oh! And one more thing, I know you guys think that no way Kuroko wouldn't ever be that mean, which is kind of true, but I am not going to make him mean in this, and I really thought about his comment about Izuki's puns in the first(?) chapter and I don't think that was mean. He just said that he agreed that Izuki's puns were annoying, but he really didn't say anything mean. Just to make clear he is not ass hole in this :D I would never make him asshole ;____; my lovely angel


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand it's here :) I am sorry that this is pretty late and short and all, but i promise the next chapter will be longer ^^
> 
> Oh and I also want to thank you all the readers, because you actually read this even this had a LOT OF grammar errors and everything :D Just saying that I am trying to fix them all the time and I hope you know that I am trying :3
> 
> but enjoy this chapter

* * *

Izuki was not a morning person. Not when he woke up without alarm, not with alarm and especially not when someone is banging on the front door. Since the banging has continued for a while now, the point guard guessed that he was home alone. Well that was perfect, now he would have to get up even he really didn’t want to.

Izuki threw the warm blanked away from his body, picked up the hoodie from the floor and pajama pants from the chair, before opening the door and almost tripping on his own feet since he still felt pretty sluggish from the sleep. Carefully climbing the stairs down, Izuki peered around just main sure that his family really wasn’t at home which turned out to be true.

Blinking slowly, Izuki walked towards the door cursing in his mind that someone who ever the person was behind the door, before brushing all the negative thoughts away.

”Good morning, sunshine”, Takao grinned as soon as Izuki had opened the door. The Seirin point guard blinked and rose his eyebrows and looked at his friend with a confused expression. The grin didn’t disappear from Takao’s lips and he just stared; ”You forgot our meeting, didn’t you?”

Izuki shoot an apologetic look to Takao, who just waved his hand. ”It’s okay, don’t sweat it”, he told and stepped inside the house when Izuki invited him in. The younger boy turned around and pointed at the other’s hair. ”But you really should take care of that bed hair of yours.”

The Seirin player rose his hand and ran it through his hair, blushing a little from embarrassment. Takao snorted and patted his shoulder.

They walked across the hall and Izuki led him to the kitchen. He took the small notebook from the table and the pen, writing the question down.

_Do you want some juice, coffee, tea… water?_

”Water is fine”, Takao said and took the seat on the table. ”I actually thought that maybe we can go and get some coffee and hang around, since it’s Sunday”, the boy continued and Izuki smiled and nodded in agreement.

The older boy took glass from the cupboard and filled it with a cold water, before handing it to his friend who thanked and took a sip from it. Izuki took the notebook again and soon turned it around to his friend again.

_I am pretty surprised that you are not with Midorima-kun today… I mean, wouldn’t he like to be with his own boyfriend._

Takao read the message and let out an amused laugh. The boy put the glass down and looked at Izuki, who seemed to wait the explanation.

”Yeah, that is actually pretty funny story”, Takao said and nodded thoughtfully. ”You see, Shin- _chan_ won’t leave his house today”, he continued. He felt like cracking up to the look Izuki was given to him.

”Before you ask, I will tell you that _yes_ ”, the younger boy said and leaned a little to his hands. ”It does involve Oha-Asa.”

Izuki rolled his eyes and the motion was definitely saying ’well of course’. Takao sniggered at that and took the glass from the table.

”You see, Cancer is on last place today and his luck will be horrible”, the boy said a mocking look in his eyes, and continued: ”He does have a green shirt to wear but he doesn’t have lucky item for today. Because I am his lucky item, a person with O-type of blood.”

Izuki rolled his eyes just a little again. He had never understood, not that he didn’t like Midorima not at all, but how someone like Takao could ever put up with someone like Midorima Shintarou. They are so not alike. Totally opposites, but maybe that is what pulled those two together. Midorima indeed was pretty different when he was with Takao alone, the Shuutoku point guard had told him when they had gotten together.

”But Shin- _chan_ , I promised to be with Shun- _chan_ today”, Takao started to repeat his and other boy’s chat earlier on the phone. ”Don’t you think you are being little too timid with this zodiac stuff and-”

”Don’t be ridiculous, Kazunari. I follow my fate and it says that today I have very bad luck, so I expect you to come over and be my lucky item, _nanodayo_ ”, the younger boy imitated, with deep voice. Izuki bit his lips to keep himself from smiling.

”Ah, but I don’t think I should broke my promises, Shin-chan, you can manage one day without me. I might come over after I have had my time with Shun- _chan_ , you are big boy and-” Takao stopped the rewind of their discussion and smiled at Izuki, who looked at him with confusion.

”Yeah, then he hang up on me”, Takao laughed cheerfully and leaned on the chair. Izuki’s eyes widened: _What if he fell from those stairs…._

Takao read the sentence and burst out at laughter. He waved his hand: ”Nah, he is just being himself again. He will calm down when I get there in the evening.”

Izuki stared for a moment and then nodded. He rose from his chair and pushed the notebook in front of Takao.

_I will just get myself ready so we can go then._

* * *

 

”Two coffees with milk and no sugar”, Takao asked as the waitress came to their table and asked his and Izuki’s orders. The young woman smiled at them and walked away to get their drinks. Izuki took his wallet but Takao stopped him: ”Nope, my treat today.”

Izuki rose his eyebrows, but seeing how serious Takao actually as he gave up and put his wallet back.

Luckily, the coffees came to their table pretty fast and they thanked the waitress. There was a comfortable silence between them and both boys just enjoyed their coffees. Izuki looked out of the window, feeling surprisingly chill and relaxed at the moment. He watched as the people walked by the small coffee house where he and Takao were sitting.

The sun was shining and the Sunday looked pretty good so far, even though yesterday’s news his dad had told him was still pretty depressing.

The conversation with his dad came back to his mind and the Seirin point guard felt suddenly sad again. Tomorrow would be the practice match against Touou Academy but he was not allowed to play. Izuki had wanted that, but well he still was pretty terrified of the idea of seeing his team mates again.

After the day he had woken up from the hospital, he hadn’t seen any of them. Only Riko had stopped by at the hospital to give the notes from school but that’s that. Maybe it was better if Izuki don’t play tomorrow. God how awkward that would be and-

”Hey”, Takao called his friend and Izuki snapped back to the reality. He turned to look at the boy in front of him, who had his head tilted and worried expression on his face. ”I can practically hear your thoughts since you seem to think something pretty hard.”

Izuki scratched his neck, unconsciously his fingers brushing the bandage around his neck, which was hidden under the scarf he was wearing. He mouthed small sorry to his friend and Takao sighed.

Takao put his coffee cup on the table and eyed at Izuki, who seemed to avert his gaze. The Seirin point guard looked around and hid his chin under the scarf, making sure that no one was actually looking at him, feeling a little self conscious all of sudden.

Takao sighed and his worried expression soon changed into serious one. ”I think that it’s better if I get straight to the point”, he told, getting his friend’s attention back to him. The other point guard eyed him warily and couldn’t help but wonder where this conversation was actually going. To be honest, Izuki had ever seen Takao being quite that serious with him.

”Are you okay?” Takao started simply and Izuki nodded right away, like it was some kind of reflex. Because he was okay, he was absolutely fine, right?

The Shuutoku point guard narrowed his eyes and didn’t look so convinced at all. Totally opposite in fact. Even he and Izuki hadn’t know each other that long, it was a surprise how easily the younger boy could read the other.

”You don’t have to lie to me, seriously”, Takao told. He looked around the coffee house making sure that no one listened them. ”In fact you are not even good at lying, Shun- _chan_.”

Izuki glanced at him before turning his gaze back to the coffee in front of him. He played with the spoon and poked the cup with it, feeling a little uncomfortable since takao was staring at him waiting for the explanation. Yeah, Izuki really didn’t want to tell the reason to him even they were good friends. Actually, the boy would give anything if everyone dropped the topic all together. Because, seriously even his parents didn’t know the reason.

His parents, teachers and even his friends at school probably and did think that he was suicidal teenager who just a week ago tried to kill himself with scissors. Oh look at that, Izuki thought bitterly, because he was actually making fun of himself in his mind. God he was so pathetic…

Izuki flinched as he felt a hand on his own but didn’t pull his own away. Carefully he rose his gaze and met Takao’s.

”I want to help you”, the younger boy said with a small tone and frowned. ”I am your friend and I am worried about you. Like I said, when I heard about you that evening, my heart basically stopped a minute”, Takao shook his head, brushing away the bad memory. ”So please, I am begging you, and usually I do not like to beg…” he stopped once again and thought how that sentence sounded. There was seriously something really wrong with it. ”…please let me help you.”

Izuki frowned, looking really troubled. He was sure that all he heard right now his own heart inside his chest and his breath heaving deeply. No, no, _do not panic right now!_ It’s just Takao, he wouldn’t say anything bad right…

The way how Takao looked at him made him worry, those eyes were full of concern and Izuki was sure that he and maybe Midorima were only ones who had ever saw that kind of look on him.

When Izuki didn’t say anything, Takao moved a little closer the table. ”This is so unlike you, Shun- _chan_ ”, the Shuutoku point guard told. ”I mean, you have always been so cheery and happy and… This came out of no where! I feel so stupid that I didn’t notice that something was wrong and I am supposed to be your friend and your team mates didn’t notice which is weird because-”

Takao stopped for a moment, when he felt Izuki flinch again at the mention of his team mates. The younger boy looked at his friend with wide eyes. ”Do- Did you… Don’t tell you did this on purpose… Did you _really_ try to kill yourself that day?”

Izuki opened his mouth and for a moment he actually hoped that at least something would come out of his mouth and this all would be just a very bad dream, but no. _Don’t seriously panic, that is so not…_

”Shun…”, Takao said again, dropping ’-chan’ from end of his name. ”Please don’t tell me you actually… I can’t believe you!”

Izuki took his notebook and pencil from the table he had placed them, and quickly wrote something down, before Takao could say anything else. They were on public place and Izuki really didn’t want to talk about this, at least not this loud.

_I really didn’t mean to do that, okay! I-I just… I don’t even know what happened? It just happened and I don’t know how and I feel awful, because now I know what would have happen to my parents and… Oh God-_

”Shun, Shun _-chan_ calm down”, Takao said placing his hand on Izuki’s again, stopping his friend from writing. He fell silent and looked at the boy in front of him for a moment, before opening his mouth again: ”I am not, you know, to judge people and you are my friend who I cared about a lot. But I don’t… I really don’t know what I am supposed to do right now. I promise to listen to you, if you tell me the reason and I will help you.”

In his mind, Izuki weighted different kind of opinions and consequences what would happen, if Takao gets to know. Well, his team mates would get beaten up and that is something what Izuki didn’t want, even they weren’t talking right now.

”Can you trust me?” Takao asked, offering a small smile. The Seirin point guard swallowed, his other hand once again going on his throat. This was becoming a reflex for him.

Izuki took a pencil, slowly writing down something and then again thinking. Finally he just decided to let go and turned the notebook around.

_Fine, I will tell you… But promise me that you won’t do anything, okay?_

Takao blinked and looked confused. He was happy of course that Izuki promised to tell him everything, but… what does that last one meant?

* * *

 

”Kazunari”, Midorima started in surprise when he opened his door to his boyfriend. Since the call in the morning, he hadn’t heard anything about the shorter boy and was not expecting him to arrive on his door step. ”I thought you were with Izuki today and- why you look so furious?”

All the time that Midorima had known Takao and dated him, the green haired boy had never seen his boyfriend looking that mad. Because words mad and Takao just didn’t belong together. Takao was always that cheery one who brushed everything off with a cheery laugh or joke.

Takao pushed Midorima away from the door and invited himself in, his shoulders heaving as he tried to take a calming breaths. The silence what the shorter boy kept on, was really starting to get on Midorima’s nerves.

 _Did I do something?_ he thought.

”Kazu-”

” _You_ ”, Takao started, turning around quickly and pointed at the other boy with narrowed eyes. ”You are coming to look at the Seirin-Touou practice game with me and Shun- _chan_ tomorrow”, he continued and his tone told Midorima that the discussion was already over.

Midorima nodded and took a hold on the other boy’s hand, lowering it down but not letting it go. ”Okay, but can I at least ask _why_?” he had to ask, because there was something which hand made Takao that angry and that match maybe one reason or at least it was connected to the reason.

”Oh”, Takao said simply. He kicked his shoes off and shrugged. ”Well you just have to keep me on my pace so I won’t kick Seirin players’ asses and make them to lose a lot of blood, because don’t you think that it would be shame if something really bad, let’s say, black eye or few broken bones would stop them to take the part of the Winter Cup or-”

”Kazunari you are ranting”, Midorima stopped his boyfriend, who shut up immediately. Takao took a deep breath and leaned forward to rest his head on Midorima’s chest. Midorima wrapped his arms around him immediately and rest his chin on Takao’s head. ”Are you going to tell me what was that all about?”

He felt Takao shook his head and sighed. Of course he wouldn’t tell him, stubborn as the other was.

Midorima pulled Takao away taking hold of his shoulders, making the other blink at shock. Instead, the green haired boy took a hold on his boyfriend’s hand again and started to drag him towards the kitchen.

”Sit”, Midorima told and went to the freezer, took ice cream from it and then took two small bowls from the cupboard, placing them on the table.

”Umm, Shin- _chan_ , I am not really-”

”You are going to eat”, Midorima said with stern tone and sat on the table opposite form his boyfriend. ”You are upset and ice cream helps.”

Takao blinked before the slow smirk started to appear on his lips. Before he could say anything, Midorima noted that the shorter boy was actually going to say something to mock him, he disturbed him: ”I heard from someone that when you are upset, ice cream helps…”

”Awww, Shin- _chan_ is being overly sweet and romantic-”

”…and I have noted that you have started to lose weight again.” Takao’s face fell and he looked at the other boy.

Sighing dramatically, Takao opened the ice cream packet: ”Way to ruin the moment, _Shintarou_.”

As Takao started to eat his ice cream with good appetite after all. Midorima eyed at the other boy and asked again if he was going to tell why he had been so angry before.

Takao closed his eyes and lowered the spoon. ”I promised not to tell, but”, he started and rubbed his palms together. Midorima had seen Takao doing that overtime he was nervous.

”Let’s say that, it will be really hard to get Shun- _chan_ to the speaking therapy.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry that this is so short


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooooaaaah! Here it is, much much longer :D
> 
> I had to tell that there is so many kind of Hyuugas i like to write :D There is this awkward hopelessly in love Hyuuga, then there is this aggressive Hyuuga who just want piece of Izuki's fine ass and then there is our lovely senpai Hyuuga :D
> 
> But oh, look at this! My babe makes his appearance in this chapter ;) also little bit cute Hyuuzuki, since the real hyuuzuki will not happen any time soon but soon :D
> 
> I apologize the grammar though... I will edit this when I woke up :D too sleepy right now

* * *

_When was the last time he had this boring at lunch break? No seriously, Hyuuga just stared in front of him and drank his juice with bored expression on his face. He was actually hundred precent sure that the juice box was empty already._

_Next period would be math and Hyuuga mentally hit his head on the wall. He had forgot to do his homework and their math teacher had apparently decided to keep eye on him. Because that one and only time he had used his cellphone made him look like a bad example to younger students. What on Earth did she mean by that anyway… But seriously, this class had far better students with math than he was, for example…_

Speak of the devil _, Hyuuga thought as he heard a laugh coming from the other side of the classroom. The Seirin team’s captain turned to look at the same way where the laugh was heard and just stared. He didn’t care if he looked stupid at this moment, but…_

Oh my God, why I can’t turn away? _Hyuuga thought as he watched Izuki chatting with some girls from their Japanese history class and with Kagami, who had somehow popped into their conversation. So maybe Kuroko was there too, Hyuuga didn’t know._

_Izuki gestured something with his hands and leaned against the door frame, making the girls giggle and Kagami grin and roll his eyes also saying something, probably commenting something for Izuki. The point guard stared for a moment, before he threw his head back a little and laughed._

_Hyuuga groaned and dropped the juice box on his desk, still not taking his eyes off from the certain boy. Again, he felt like hitting himself because what on Earth was he thinking? Izuki was his friend, his childhood friend and you can’t feel like this for your friend right? Maybe this was a base, you know that kind of base which every teenager goes through…_

_Suddenly, he saw an amazed look on Izuki’s face as he stared at Kagami and Kuroko, oh there he was. The way how point guard’s face lit up, whatever the red haired boy had said, was absolutely the expression what Hyuuga would like to see more. It was full of excitement, different kind what Izuki had for basketball, and happiness and…_

_Ah, screw it! This was the moment, when something cracked inside him. He seriously didn’t care anymore about his feelings towards Izuki, he was happy and he didn’t feel like panicking even it was his friend. He felt surprisingly calm and-_

_Another bright laugh._

Okay, stop it now… That must be illegal to be that-

_”Hyuuga, you are staring again”, Kiyoshi’s voice was heard behind the team captain. Hyuuga pretty much jumped on his seat and turned around so quickly that his neck would have snapped. The center had his eyebrows cocked knowingly and he leaned against his hand._

_”I-I don’t know what you are talking about”, Hyuuga muttered lamely, making Kiyoshi roll his eyes but he was still smiling. The captain was so obvious that it actually hurt to watch at him in classes, between them and at the practice._

_”You have been staring at Izuki about fifteen minutes straight”, Kiyoshi told and thought for a moment before adding; ”Thought the way you stared at him wasn’t so straight.”_

_Hyuuga stared at the center with unamused expression. ”Your puns are even lamer than his”, Hyuuga said and nodded towards Izuki, same time as he turned to look at him. The said boy was now sitting on his own seat and reading a book, which Hyuuga knew he had started two days ago. He looked so focused on it and was totally oblivious from his surroundings._

_”He is so pretty”, Hyuuga thought aloud and Kiyoshi snorted against his hand, because Hyuuga actually sounded like he was whining. The look on his friends face was so complicated that the center just wished he had his phone with him._

_”Why don’t you just go and tell him?” Kiyoshi had to ask with amused tone in his voice. Hyuuga actually laughed at that and turned to look at the center again, to make sure was he actually serious. He was and Hyuuga’s smile dropped._

_”You got to be kidding me”, the team captain scoffed and shook his head. He leaned on his chair and sighed. ”It’s just better to keep this myself, I guess… I don’t need heart break because I have too much stress right now already.”_

_”So you are basically torturing yourself”, Kiyoshi said. Hyuuga didn’t say anything and the center let out a long sigh. ”What would happen, Hyuuga? Seriously, it’s not like you would lose anything from it. I mean Izuki is pretty understanding and all so-”_

_Hyuuga interrupted his friend slamming his palm gently on Kiyoshi’s desk and looked at him under his glasses with serious expression. ”It would be humiliating for me and for Izuki”, the team captain told as it was obvious. ”After that it would be so awkward to be at same classes or at practice. We even share our friends so soon they would know about it too and then it would be so awkward that-”_

_”What would be awkward?”_

_Now it was Hyuuga’s turn to be interrupted. The team captain turned around meeting izuki’s gaze on him and that usual small smile on his lips. Izuki tilted his head curiously and sat on the desk, which was next to Hyuuga’s and eyed at his friends._

_Hyuuga opened his mouth but couldn’t get anything out and Kiyoshi just bit his lip keeping himself smiling widely. These two idiots, he couldn’t help but though and cleared his throat. How on Earth he had chosen these two to be his friends._

_”We were just-” Hyuuga started and noticed how weird his voice was sounding just now. The team captain cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. ”Umm, never mind about that”, Hyuuga said, not so smoothly as he was intended to and looked at Izuki, who looked like he wanted to ask something._

_”Yeah, okay”, Izuki said simply and shrugged it off. He glanced over his shoulder at the clock on the wall, before turning back to his friends. ”Have you done your math homework?”_

_Hyuuga stared for a moment, before shaking his head. Izuki looked at Kiyoshi who repeated Hyuuga’s movement. The point guard looked suddenly pretty pained and bit his lower lip._

_”Wait a minute”, Hyuuga started and straightened a little on his seat, looking at the point guard who now was looking on his lap, finding his hands suddenly really interesting. A grin appeared on Hyuuga’s face and he let out a small laugh._

_”Don’t tell me that our model student hasn’t done the task the teacher had given to us”, the team captain said, his voice practically dripping with joy. Izuki narrowed his eyes but grinned back and leaned little forward: ”I may have forgotten to do the homework, since I was looking new ghost stories to you to tell.”_

_Hyuuga’s smile dropped immediately and he went as pale as, well, a ghost. Kiyoshi laughed as he looked at their team captain. ”Don’t tell me that you are still afraid of the ghost stories?” he had to ask and Hyuuga looked at him murderously._

_”Oh, he really is”, Izuki said and his smile widening even more. He turned to look at Kiyoshi. ”You remember that one night, when we three where camping somewhere middle of the forest and Hyuuga almost had an panic attack and peed on himself when we told him that ghost story about… umm…”, the point guard stopped to think._

_”Oh yeah, it was something about… umm…” Kiyoshi tried really hard to remember while Hyuuga groaned and hit his forehead on the desk, muttering how he regretted the day he told his fear to these two. ”Oh yeah, it was about that beautiful woman in the painting and how she always got out of it in the middle of the night to collect some-”_

_”Okay, you two”, Hyuuga interrupted them and his friends laughed at his expression._

_The teacher arrived soon and Izuki jumped off the desk. He patted Hyuuga’s shoulder gently, his hand staying there a moment before he walked back to his own seat, not looking back._

_Whole math lesson, Hyuuga kept his own hand on the same shoulder, where Izuki’s hand had just been._

* * *

 

”So, Furihata is replacing Izuki- _senpai_ ”, Kagami said and looked at Riko, who nodded not taking her eyes off the game plan she had been working with whole weekend.

It had been about fifteen minutes when Seirin team had arrived to their own school’s gym for the practice match against Touou. It wasn’t any surprise that their opponents were late, because their Ace wasn’t that exact.

Furihata sighed and took his jersey off, placing it on the bench. ”I don’t know”, he started and scratched his neck, pursing his lips. ”I feel kind of, you know, bad that I am replacing Izuki- _senpai_ …” the boy told truthfully and glanced over at Koganei, who nodded a little. The movement was so little and sharp that no one didn’t even notice it.

Riko turned to look at their other point guard. The girl placed her hands on her hips and tilted her head. ”I know that it is weird to play without Izuki”, she started. ”But this is how we must to play right now, okay?”

Furihata looked at the coach and then nodded, turning away and sat beside the place where he had just placed his jersey.

Riko looked at the team, seeing all the sour expressions and let out a deep sigh. Then she fixed a gentle smile on her lips. ”Don’t look like that, think it like this”, she started getting almost everyones attention on her. ”You don’t have to deal with Izuki’s puns, so this is like a vacation for you guys”, the girl laughed and turned around, walking towards the supply to get couple of reserve balls.

Hearing what their coach said, made a chill ran down on Hyuuga’s spine and he actually froze for a moment. Shaking his head, the team captain couldn’t help but think that this was not a vacation, so far from it.

”I kind of miss his puns”, Kagami said and was talking to Kuroko, who nodded in agreement small frown on his face. Hyuuga just watched at the pair in front of him, cursing how oblivious they would be.

”Hyuuga, you okay”, Kiyoshi asked from his seat next to their captain. ”You look kind of pale”, the center continued and before Hyuuga could even answer, the gym door opened and their opponents walked in.

* * *

 

Izuki really didn’t want to be here, but like he had any choice. He was still their team’s point guard so of course he must cheer on them. It felt awkward to walk at school, Midorima and Takao on his both sides, since he had skipped today. In the morning he had had that long feared panic attack, so his mom didn’t let him go to school.

The point guard had felt kind of relieved actually. He didn’t have to face all the students who knew him at school, because he was sure and Izuki also knew that there was rumors spreading around the whole building. He hadn’t been at school for a week, so of course some of them had started to wonder.

The school building came to the view and Izuki stopped on his tracks, looking down. Do he have to do this right now? They would manage without him looking, right… Sure they were against Touou and they had Aomine as their Ace, but the winning was still possible.

Suddenly something came to his mind. What if the team didn’t want him there? What if they stopped the match when they sees Izuki sitting there and watching them play and just threw him out of the gym, saying that he was not even needed here. Saying, that he was useless since he couldn’t even speak and point guard’s had to communicate.

Izuki didn’t know why, but he had felt pretty hollow since there wasn’t actually any messages from any of his team mates. He didn’t know why he felt sad about that, because in some level those guys were the last ones he wanted to text right now, but still… It would be nice to receive a message from them which would tell him that they cared.

Oh right… They didn’t, Izuki thought and wrapped his arms around himself, trembling slightly.

Izuki felt a hand on his shoulder and turned his gaze on Takao, who smiled and nodded. The Seirin point guard swallowed carefully, but returned the smile and continued walking.

He was safe with these two. At least he had them and his family, so who other he needed. That was what he liked to think, even there was a huge hole inside his chest which missed something. Next to it, there was other hole which missed someone. He didn’t know if those two holes would ever fill.

God… I am feeling sick, Izuki thought and closed his eyes for a moment. Did his vision just blur for moment or did he imagine that? Shaking his head and taking a deep breath, the boy opened his eyes again, everything seeming as normal as it should be. Izuki shrugged the odd feeling away and walked after the Shuutoku couple.

* * *

 

”Sorry, we are a little bit late”, Imayoshi Shouichi, Touou Academy’s team captain apologized from the Seirin and smiled that usual smile he always had. Kiyoshi waved his hand telling them that it was okay.

”Oh come on”, Aomine’s voice was heard still outside the gym and both of the teams turned to look at the same way, Touou looking kind of amused and tired. Hyuuga blinked few times, recovering from his earlier state and rose from his spot to look at the gym door.

What Seirin players didn’t expect was that the person who walked inside the gym wasn’t Aomine but Kise Ryouta, Aomine right after him frowning at the blond. Kise had his arms crossed in front of his chest and pout on his face, as he walked to greet, probably Kuroko and Kagami, totally ignoring his boyfriend.

”Oh, Kise- _kun_ ”, Kuroko started with that monotone voice. ”You are here too, hello”, the shorter boy greeted politely and Kise smiled at him.

”It’s so long when we last saw each other, Kurokocchi”, the blond said brightly and then turned to look at Kagami. ”You too Kagamicchi”, the model continued and Kagami only nodded his greetings, still trying to process what was happening right now.

The red haired boy shook his head an took a few steps forward Kise. ”So… You are here too?” Kagami said, making it sound like a question even it wasn’t meant to. Kise just nodded and soon threw the most murdering gaze on Aomine what they had ever seen. ”Yes…Yes I am.”

Kagami moved next to Aomine and looked at him, biting his lower lip definitely trying not to smile. ”What have you done now?” he asked and the Touou Ace just scoffed, not bothering to answer the question.

Riko appeared with two more basketballs, greeted Touou Academy’s coach and then turned to look at the both teams. ”Okay, so let’s get started”, she said and the other coach nodded, taking his team with him to the other benches little bit further from Seirin players’.

Aomine walked behind Kise and threw his arms around the blond’s shoulders, smirking kind of hopefully. ”Do I at least get the good luck kiss?” he asked, getting his team’s and Seirin’s attention back to him and Kise again. The blond however just looked blankly at him, then at Touou, then Seirin. He blinked and finally turning to look back at Aomine, smiling the smile which didn’t reach his eyes.

The blond rose his hand and patted the blue haired boy’s cheek with a small force so the sound actually was heard. ”You are absolutely _hilarious_ , you know that”, he said simply and shrugged Aomine’s arm away and walked towards the stairs in kind of sassy way. ”I hope you lose _Ahominecchi_!”

Aomine just stared after him, in slight shock, until a snort got his attention. He turned around and saw Kagami and Kuroko, who grinned at him in joy, probably because they saw the Touou Ace pining after someone and being all out of his own character.

”No, seriously what did you do?” Kagami had to ask again, not even trying to hide his smile anymore and wipe that happy grin from his face. Aomine narrowed his eyes and growled: ”Shut up, _Bakagami_.”

* * *

 

When the trio, Izuki, Midorima and Takao finally arrived to the gym and to their seats, the game had already started and had lasted about four minutes. Izuki didn’t really know if he was surprised or not surprised when he saw that Touou had two points lead. It could be other way too.

Quietly, so they wouldn’t be noticed, they climbed the stairs up and searched a good seats for them.

”Izuki, you are really pale”, Midorima pointed out as they took their seats, not too close the court but not too far either. ”You sure you are okay to be here?”

_I’m fine. Don’t worry._

Takao turned to look at his friend and frowned a little at his boyfriend’s remark, but soon noticed his friend’s paleness too. ”Yeah, Shun- _chan_ , you really are pale”, Takao told leaning a little closer his friend’s face. He touched the older boy’s forehead and smiled: ”You don’ have a fever.”

Izuki shrugged Takao’s hand off and gave both him and Midorima the look and the couple got the point.

”You know”, Takao said and grinned more widely right now. Seeing that look, Izuki had to look at Midorima who actually looked as confused and some what scared as he looked at the Shuutoku point guard. ”I have actually something which might cheer you up a little”, the boy continued and turned to take something out of his bag.

Ever since they left Takao’s home, Izuki and Midorima had wondered, why the boy took a back bag with him? Or what would be inside it? But because it was Takao who they were talking about, either of them wouldn’t be so surprised if there was a dead body inside that bag.

”I made some cheering posters”, Takao said, not so happily anymore. Actually his voice sounded really tight right now. ”You want the one which says: ’ _IT'S JUST HURT WATCH YOU PLAY, PLEASE STOP_ ’ or the one which says: ’ _IF I HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN WATCHING YOU PLAY OR SHOOTING MYSELF, I WOULD CHOOSE A GUN AND SHOOT MY BRAINS OUT’_ ” the boy continued, looking at Izuki and Midorima smiling tightly.

 _Kazu-_ kun _… You promised_ , Izuki wrote and looked at his friend with serious look on his face. Yesterday after a little chat with the Shuutoku point guard, it had took Izuki about half an hour to get him calm down and get him to promise that he would keep his mouth shut about this. Sure Izuki knew that Takao would tell Midorima, but the green haired boy was trustworthy so the Seirin point guard wasn’t that worried.

Takao closed his eyes for a minute and took a deep breath. Then he rose his hands up and smiled, being all himself again. ”Sorry”, he said and lowered his hands. ”I am just- okay, I am going to be quiet about this right now. Let’s just watch this Touou versus Scum and then go home.”

”Kazunari, language”, Midorima muttered, his eyes on the basketball court watching the game. Takao shoot him a look, but turned to look at the game too, leaning against his seat.

Izuki tried really hard make himself comfortable but honestly, he never paid fully attention to the game. His eyes traveled everywhere else but at the court, on the walls, on the seats and then at those few people who watched this match. Oh and then the walls again. Have these walls always been white?

Touou Academy scored again and they saw as Aomine high fifed some of his team mates, but what really caught their attention was the loud yell of ’Buu!’ a little further from them. The trio turned their gazes on the certain person at the same time and Takao rose his eyebrows when Midorima made some kind of chocked sound.

Even the person had his hood on, there was only one person who wore that kind of design clothes.

”Kise?”

The blond turned around when he heard his name being called and was surprised to see them. He rose from his seat and climbed across the few rows, now stopping beside them. God, not that model smile again, too bright.

”Takaocchi and Midorimacchi”, he greeted brightly and then watched at Izuki, smiling at him: ”And Izuki… wait, why are you not on court?”

”His head hurts. Why are you booing though?” Takao said really quick, totally saving the Seirin point guard, who closed his eyes and relaxed on his seat again. Kise blinked and looked at Izuki for a moment and then caught on Takao’s question. His face expression fell and he scowled, taking a seat next to the Shuutoku point guard.

”Let’s just say that I am not admiring that asshole”, the blond told. ”Not since what happened two days ago. Yet here I am watching him play…” Kise stopped for a while and pinched the bridge of his nose. ”Now I really wonder why I am here.”

Before Takao could say anything to him, another two points for Touou and the blond bused again, before slumping back on his seat not even bothering to take his hood off. Takao turned to look at Midorima, who actually decided to ignore all this and focus on game. Then at Izuki, who looked like he didn’t know what to think right now.

”You really are pissed at Aomine- _kun_ , aren’t you?” Takao said, moving a little bit further away from Kise, who was fuming right now. ”You want to talk-”

” _No_.”

”Okay”, the Shuutoku point guard said and turned to look at the game again. The atmosphere had turned really awkward right now.

* * *

 

It was the last round’s last minutes and Izuki felt like he had been sitting here forever. He still hadn’t watched the game in good focus but still it felt like he had been there ten long years. After the second round, Kise had left getting himself something to drink but it turned out that he really just wanted to get out of here. Though, Izuki was sure that the blond was somewhere in the building but not bothering to come back.

Suddenly it just hit him. There was just few minutes left of this round and then the match would be over. Which meant the Seirin team would probably notice him sitting there and… Izuki took shaking breath in and then out. Repeating it. Sudden need to get out of this gym was growing and Izuki tapped on Takao’s shoulder.

 _Kazu-_ kun _… Can we go? Please._

Takao read the note and got his friend’s point immediately, noticing that the older boy had gone pale again. The younger nodded and the turned to look at Midorima. ”Hey, Shin- _chan_ ”, he called, getting his boyfriend’s attention. ”Do you mind if we leave earlier? I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want but-”

”Kazunari, it’s okay”, Midorima stopped him, glancing at Izuki and then back at Takao. ”The match is over soon, so just wait me somewhere outside, okay”, he continued and Takao smiled at him and nodded. Then he turned to look at Izuki and patted him on the shoulder. ”Shall we go?”

Izuki just rose from his seat and walked carefully after his friend down the stairs from the stand and towards the hall.

_I have to use bathroom quickly, is that okay?_

”Yeah of course”, Takao said, nodding. ”I’ll wait you outside, okay? I need little air myself”, he continued and Izuki smiled at his friend and soon disappeared inside the boy’s restrooms, while Takao made his way to the doors.

A small wind felt good on his skin as he stepped outside the gym. He stretched his neck and cursed the poor seats on the stand. Even he might have seemed to be calm as they watched the game between two schools and after his small out burst on the beginning, the truth was that small part of Takao hoped that he would meet the Seirin players outside the gym so he would say something to them.

But the problem was that he didn’t want to break his promise to Izuki. He wasn’t that kind of guy who broke his promises.

”Aaa… Fuck”, Takao muttered, letting out a small laugh and leaned against the wall.

* * *

 

Izuki slammed the nearest toilet stall’s door open and collapsed on his knees, hanging his head above the toilet. He felt terrible, just awful. Laying his head on the edge of the toilet seat, Izuki took a deep breath again, just trying to calm himself down because… Nothing was wrong. He was fine, he was _okay_.

Reaching up, Izuki flushed the toilet after few minutes and then just sat there, leaning pianist the stall’s wall. He crooked his neck and looked up to the ceiling, not feeling like getting up yet. Or maybe never. Izuki closed his eyes and couldn’t help but think how bad idea it was to come here. He didn’t want to see them or be with them. Actually, the point guard liked to be alone right now and maybe forever.

Smiling bitterly, Izuki closed his eyes before hugging his knees closer to him. _I am so pathetic, really… What am I doing?_

* * *

 

”Touou won?” Takao asked as he saw his boyfriend walking out of the gym. Midorima threw him a look and Takao understood that it was stupid question. The green haired boy offered his right hand and helped Takao up from the ground, where the boy had just decided to sat.

”By few points”, Midorima told. ”Not really surprising. Aquarius ad Leo are on last and on the second last places today”, the shooting guard continued, poking his glasses upwards. ”Where’s Izuki?”

”Oh, he went to bathroom. He should be here soon”, the point guard told and the other boy nodded slowly. Takao smiled and tilted his head, moving a little closer.

”But about the the ranking, let me guess”, he started and looked at the necklace the green haired boy was wearing. ”The cancer is the first, right? And this necklace is your lucky item” Takao said an tilted his head now to look up at Midorima’s face. The shooting guard sighed and shook his head. He rose his hand and moved the shorter boy’s hair away from his face.

”Actually”, Midorima started. ”Scorpio’s are on the first place today… and what comes to this necklace I can take it off if you-”

”Nope”, Takao said quickly and grinned cheekily. ”You are _definitely_ wearing that one today. Don’t you even try to take that off.”

Before Midorima could respond to Takao, the gym doors opened again. The point guard turned around and hoped that Izuki had came back but it was definitely not his friend, and Takao narrowed his eyes.

”Midorima- _kun_ and Takao- _kun_ ”, Kuroko said, a slight surprise in his voice. Kagami stopped beside the shorter boy and blinked in surprise. ”Why are you here too? I mean… no, why are you here?” he asked, pretty overwhelmed by the fact that first they had seen Kise here and then there was Midorima and Takao too.

The rest of the team arrived soon outside the gym too and beside the light and the shadow. Midorima felt Takao stiffen in front of him and saw that his boyfriend’s eyes were glued on them and especially on the Seirin team’s captain. Midorima placed his hand on Takao’s shoulder, but what he didn’t expect was that the point guard flashed a wide smile to the team, though it didn’t reach his eyes. It was his so called cold smile.

”We wanted to see if you still sucked at basketball”, Takao said happily, shrugging the green haired boy’s hand away and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He turned around, now fully facing the Seirin players.

”Well, I knew that you were bad but… Now you seem lacking the energy on court. What is happening to you guys?” the boy went on, that smile never leaving his face.

Hyuuga gritted his teeth and stepped forward from behind Kagami, looking at the Shuutoku’s point guard with narrowed eyes. ”What is with that attitude?” he asked and continued: ”If you knew we sucked, why you even bothered to come here and watch our game?”

”Hey, Hyuuga”, Koganei whispered from behind Kuroko, but Hyuuga ignored him. The team captain was glad that Riko had stayed behind inside the gym and she was not seeing this scene right now. She would flip.

”Oi, Kazunari-”

Takao laughed out loud. It was gold and didn’t sound amused at all. He took few steps forward and towards the team, eyeing them all but finally locking his eyes with Hyuuga, his smile widening. He eyed at him up and down for a while, before shaking his head.

”Do you know how _tempted_ I am right now, to punch your team and especially you on your faces?” the point guard asked with a low tone. He rose his hand a little and watched at him, pursing his lip. ”I am so close to you right now so, why wouldn’t I do it?”

”What?” Hyuuga asked and blinked. He was really confused right now and looked over his shoulder at his team mates, all of their eyes glued on the scene before them. Hyuuga turned to look back at Takao, not really knowing where all this aggression was coming from. ”Care to explain?”

Takao’s jaw dropped, but not in reflex. It seemed like he did that in mocking way. ”Care I explain? Care I freaking explain?”, he repeated. Behind him, Midorima stepped closer because he knew where this was going and didn’t like it a bit.

”Oh, okay! I will explain!” Takao practically yelled, his grin fake cheerfulness totally disappearing. He narrowed his eyes and sneered at Hyuuga. ”I know what you have done, _Mr. I Am So Very Thoughtful Captain_ ”, the boy started lowering his voice just a little, but still audible for everyone. Takao watched them all. ”Actually I know what you all have done. That what happened, a week ago… Why he did it, yeah, you know. The real reason why Shun-chan did it.”

In few second so many things happened. Hyuuga went pale as sheet, the rest of them widened their eyes or frowned in confusion and Midorima telling Takao to stop.

”What are you talking about, Takao?” Kagami asked and actually thought that the Shuutoku point guard was just joking right now. The red head glanced at Kuroko, who blankly looked at Takao, before he looked at the same way. ”Riko told us that he was depressed and his parents had told that to her-”

”Oh my God”, Takao exclaimed and turned his eyes at Kagami now. ”Now I really understand why Aomine- _kun_ is calling you _Bakagami_ all the time”, he blurted out and the Ace frowned in annoyance.

Takao looked back at Hyuuga. ”He did it because of you. Because of his own so very important team”, the boy told bluntly.

Midorima grabbed Takao’s shoulder, trying to pull him back. ”Kazunari, seriously. Now-”

”Because you insulted him, because of his puns. You made him feel bad for himself”, the point guard continued, ignoring his boyfriend, and shrugged the hand away once again. He knew that he was breaking is promise right now, but he couldn’t stop the word vomit coming out of his mouth. He had to get this all out.

He is right, Hyuuga thought in horror, but shook his head. ”T-that is ridiculous”, he said, trying to keep his voice steady and caught Takao’s attention again. He looked at the point guard in the eyes and swallowed. ”He… Izuki is used to our comments about his puns-”

”We didn’t think he would actually do that, okay? You can’t blame-” Kagami started but was cut off, by Kuroko’s hand on his arm. He turned to look at the shorter boy and saw a serious expression on his face.

”He is used, you say”, Takao repeated and snorted. ”Oh boy… You guys are so… That is like not good at all, you know”, he continued and shook his head, narrowing his eyes again and sneered: Have you ever thought that every single insult you make about him, is taking small effect inside him until there is so much damage done that he just can’t take it anymore. The walls just breaks down. That is what happened a week ago…”

The team felt silent, looking at Takao in shock. They really didn’t know what to say in the situation like this, they were speechless. But somehow they all felt terrible, not fully understanding why but by Takao’s words, what he had just told them… It was just something what made something click inside them.

The Seirin team and the Shuutoku couple didn’t even notice how the Touou Academy and Riko had also walked out of the gym, now looking at the scene before them not really knowing what to say.

Takao focused his eyes back on Hyuuga and took steps closer. He studied him and gave a sad smile for him. ”You know, Hyuuga”, Takao started, lowering his voice again not really trusting it to be stronger. It was already cracking.

The Seirin captain looked at him as Takao continued.

”I really pity you”, the point guard told. ”That time when I saw you arrive at hospital, the look of desperation on your eyes and that horrified and blank expression on your face, I thought”, Takao took a deep breath and let it out. ”I thought that, man… that guy is head over heels for Shun-chan… But right now, I wouldn’t trust you being even near him.”

Hyuuga’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth, but couldn't get the words out. Because he knew that, even it was horrible, but the fact wast that Takao was absolutely right.

”He won’t go to the speaking therapy”, Takao continued, his shoulders slumping, looking miserable. ”He doesn’t want to. He will never speak again, because he is-”

Takao felt a hand on his shoulder and expected it to be Midorima again. He turned around and his eyes met Izuki’s, who looked at him sadly, maybe kind of relieved. He didn’t look angry at all and offered a small smile to his friend.

”Shun- _chan_ … I am so sorry, I just-”

Izuki just shook his head, saying that way that it was okay, looking back at Takao with tired eyes. Takao hung his head now totally understanding what he had done, and stepped back, right into Midorima’s waiting arms, burying his face on his chest. He took a deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.

Izuki looked on the ground, before carefully looked at his team. All of their eyes were on him and they looked like they wanted to say something, but just couldn’t do that. Like they feared that Izuki was porcelain doll, who would break if they even said his name. Izuki actually felt like that porcelain doll right now, he had been that doll this whole week.

The Seirin point guard finally looked only at Hyuuga. He really didn’t know what to expect. Small part of him hoped that Hyuuga would look at him, maybe grab him and wrap his arms around him and just hold him. But what would that change? Hyuuga just didn’t look at him right now, just averted his gaze, looking anywhere else but at Izuki. Yeah, what would a hug change anyway?

Izuki closed his eyes and turned around biting his lip. He felt his hear beating rabidly in his chest and all he could focus right now was not falling on his knees, maybe from weakness which he didn’t want to show, and cry his eyes out. His vision had started to blur again and he felt like his world was spinning but not that badly.

Quietly, making his way next to Midorima and Takao, he glanced at the pair and they just nodded. Takao unwrapped himself from Midorima’s embrace and threw his arms around Izuki as the trio walked calmly away from the scene. The Shuutoku point guard apologized the whole way back to Izuki’s house and it took a half an hour that Midorima finally get Takao calm down. Another half an hour, Midorima spend trying to get Takao leave Izuki’s place.

* * *

 

Izuki stared at the ceiling blankly. The spinning had stopped a few moments ago, but he still felt nauseous. His mom had asked him if he was okay, but Izuki had just smiled and told that he was just tired. Which wan’t exactly a lie either. But he couldn’t just tell that he had spent almost an hour at bathroom and throwing up or just staring blankly at the white walls. He felt his phone vibrate inside his back pocket, ignoring it. It would be from Takao, maybe more apologies. Izuki felt funny, since he wasn't actually angry at Takao. He had broken the promise, but… It’s like a rock had rolled off from Izuki’s shoulders.

Another vibrate and Izuki gave up. He tiredly took the phone in his hands and checked from whom the message was from. He froze and quickly sat up on his bed, staring at the phone with wide eyes and his jaw hanging slightly open. Swallowing and wincing, Izuki opened his phone and with trembling fingers he opened the message.

_From: Koganei Shinji_

_7:45 pm._

_Hey… I-I know I can’t… or I am mean that you don’t want to hear from us right now… But I just want to make sure that you are okay? I, ugh, of course you are not okay, I am sorry…_

_But I just wanted to say that I am sorry, so sorry… Mitobe too… We, we both feel awful and… This really doesn’t mean anything to you, I’m sorry. Fuck, we both are so sorry Izuki, there can’t be enough ways to say how sorry we are and because…_

_We miss you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) Koganei is the bae :3
> 
> you see what I did there? ;) who notices?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so many FEEEEEEELS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not... I really don't know how to feel about this chapter, not really proud of it. This chapter was seriously REALLY hard to write...  
> The grammar is all wrong once again but I will fix it... just, give me couple of days...
> 
> You know, the funny thing is that I know EXACTLY how this story will end :D

* * *

”Look, can we like… I really don’t want to do or discuss about this in front of my team”, Aomine started, looking slightly embarrassed and looked at Kise, who was fuming in front of him. The blond looked just like that he didn’t even care if someone heard them talking, because he had decided that they would talk about this now so they would be talking about this now.

Kise sneered. ”Oh, so now you are looking embarrassed”, the blond started and crossed his arms in front of his chest. ”Now you know exactly how I felt on Saturday evening”, he continued and narrowed his eyes as the blue haired male tilted his head in confusion. ”You know, our anniversary.”

”Oh God, Kise”, Aomine groaned and rubbed his neck. ”Can you not do this in front of everyone-”

”Can _you_ not do _that_ in front of the whole restaurant?!” the blond all but screeched, making Touou players flinch of the unusual high pitched tone. Aomine tried not to rise his hand in front of his ears, because Kise was beyond pissed already. He still couldn’t hide the confusion on his face though. He did not have the best memory, okay.

”After all these years, Aominecchi…”, Kise whined and pinched the bridge of his nose.

”What on Earth are you… _Oh_ ”, Aomine stopped and suddenly remembered the events of that evening. Now was his turn to narrow his eyes and look pissed. He crossed his arms too and scoffed. ”Well, you can’t blame only me. It was your fault too, you know.”

Kise all but stared at him for a moment, before letting out a laugh, so cold that he didn’t even regains it his own. ”You are actually blaming me about the fact that you fucking punched that man on his jaw?” Kise asked slowly and calmly, blinking in disbelief.

”He was hitting on you!” Aomine said, now totally forgetting that his team was watching the fight between two lovers is silence and not daring to move an inch.

”That man was my boss, _Ahominecchi_! He is straight and married! He has two kids, _idiot_ ” Kise yelled, tears of frustration appearing in corner of his eyes. The blond rose his palms on his face and rubbed his cheeks. ”Do you have any idea, how _humiliating_ it was for me to go in photoshoot this morning? My manager said I was lucky enough to not get fired from that shoot… And I swear to God, Aominecchi, if I had get fired from that photoshoot”, the blond stopped the sentence and laughed, not continuing, because he knew his voice and expression made his message clear.

Aomine made a nose which sounded like somewhere between dying whale and angry beast. ”What the hell… How should I have known? He should have said something for the start and-”

”You can’t just punch every guy who talks to me.”

”What if he tried to hurt you? I mean, not every boss is what they seem.”

”Aomine”, Kise started, gritting his teeth: ”He is well known photographer, why would he- Oh my God, is this all Haizaki incident all over again?”

”Hey! That guy was fucking _psycho_!” Aomine said, now suddenly pissed again. ”If I hadn’t punched him, God knows what he would have done to you or someone else.”

Kise was silent for a while, before glancing over his boyfriend’s shoulder. ”You know what”, the blond said, calmer now. ”We are not discussing this right now.”

The Touou Ace let out a loud laugh. ”You were the first one who wanted to discuss about this right now”, he started, not very amused anymore. ”So we are going to do this right now-”

”But your team-”

”Oh, so now you are caring about my team staring at us arguing.”

Someone cleared their throat loudly and the duo turned sharply to look at the same way, where it was heard. Aomine looking with narrowed eyes as they saw Imayoshi interrupting their conversation.

”As enlighten as it is to see you two arguing about something, I guess pretty stupid because it’s you two”, the Touou point guard told, smiling as he usually was. ”But I would like remind you where you are right now and I am pretty sure your fight is echoing pretty far in these corridors.”

Kise blinked and looked around, frowning slightly as he indeed heard some arguing. ”That is not us arguing”, he mumbled, but loud enough that others heard him. ”It’s coming from outside.”

* * *

 

Imayoshi Shouichi wasn’t that kind of person, who was surprised very easily. In fact, he was totally opposite. Always wearing his signature smile, both amused and sadistic kind as he talked with someone. He liked to taunt his so called enemies, other school team’s players with his smile which could be pretty scary, his team would have agreed.

But right now, there he was standing, right beside Aomine and his boyfriend watching the scene in front of them. Shuutoku’s point guard looking unusually pissed, particularly fuming, at Seirin’s team captain, who looked at the smaller boy with wide eyes. He was totally paralyzed in that spot as the other team’s point guard talked something about Izuki.

Imayoshi wasn’t stupid either. When he didn’t see Seirin’s regular point guard today on the court, he knew right away that something was wrong. It wasn’t like Imayoshi was that good friends with Izuki, but just looking at the looks on the Seirin players faces revealed that something was definitely not right.

”He won’t go to the speaking therapy”, Takao had said and Imayoshi saw clearly his shoulders slumping in defeat. He looked rather hopeless and like he didn’t know what to do right now. ”He doesn’t want to. He will never speak again, because he is-”

At this point, Imayoshi would have liked to jump in and ask Takao what was he talking about. But he didn’t. It was like his own personality had chained him on the ground, keeping him standing right beside this idiot duo who had argued just minutes ago, and not letting him to care. But the fact was, that he did care.

When Izuki arrived to the scene, in silent not saying a word, it made something in him twist uncomfortably. Because in the situations like these, Izuki would be the one who would cheer the mood, maybe cracking a very lame pun or at least a joke. But no, that was not happening.

This Izuki before him, was not the same one. It was like the shapeshifter looking like the real one. Only the shell, without cheeriness staring at his team, with that dull expression and tired eyes.

It didn’t take long, before Izuki left with the Shuutoku pair, walking away from the scene and leaving all of them staring after them.

”I promise to trust you from now on… Always. _I’m sorry_ ”, was heard beside the Touou’s point guard after the small silence.

* * *

 

”I guess it’s now safe to say that everything is totally fucked up”, Koganei was the first one to open his mouth as they walked towards the Maji Burger. The whole team had been quiet about an half on hour, none of them really knowing what to say.

The other first years, all but Kuroko and Kagami had already left in quiet to the other way, not really feeling like to come eat with them. Actually, Koganei couldn’t really blame them.

Koganei stared at the team as they stopped on the yard of the said fast food place, still in silent. He then looked at Mitobe, who looked at him back, only shaking his head. The small forward sighed and scratched his neck. He didn’t want to admit it, he wasn’t the kind of guy who blamed others but… Now he felt like he hadn’t any choice. Still, seeing that look on Izuki’s eyes and the anger the other school’s player felt against Izuki’s own team… Koganei felt like he should blame himself, but didn’t know why…

”How are you going to fix this?” he asked, before he could stop himself. He felt everyone’s gaze on him, but the worst was Hyuuga’s. He looked suddenly really angry with him and took few steps forward. That question pretty much recovered him from the shock he had felt since Takao had started to yell at him. ”We?” the team captain said and narrowed his eyes, stopping in front of the small forward.

” _We_? Are you saying this is only our fault? That you or Mitobe have nothing to do with this.”

For a moment Koganei looked at him in shock and swallowed. Then he felt something snap inside him, an anger so strong that it was really unfamiliar for him. He straightened himself and met Hyuuga’s eyes with his own staring right into them.

”Actually _I am_ ”, Koganei said, gritting his teeth. Hyuuga rose his eyebrow: ”Oh really? Why is that?”

”I remember that I asked you that don’t you think that you were being little bit too harsh for him, when Izuki all but dashed out of the gym doors”, the small forward told and now turned to look at the other members of the team. He took a step back, so he wouldn’t be so near Hyuuga anymore, standing now beside Mitobe, who laid his hand on his shoulder.

”This whole situation”, Koganei started and took a deep breath. ”To be honest, I don’t think I belong in this right now… I don’t think that this blame what I am feeling belongs to me… I don’t even know why I am feeling like I should blame myself about all this.”

Koganei looked down to his feet, rising his hand on the shoulder where Mitobe’s hand was laying. He closed his eyes,, quickly opening them because all he could see was the expression Izuki had made to them. It was… He had looked so broken and lost…

Slowly, the small forward looked up, everyone still looking right at him. Hyuuga’s angry expression was gone again, now looking somewhere between terrified and sorrowful instead. That expression suited him right now and it as the right one. There was also a third feeling and it was the guilt. It was probably the biggest one.

”I can’t eat with you, right now”, Koganei said and turned around, not moving away yet. He stood there quietly for a moment, trying to think something else to say to the team. He wanted to tell them that they should fix this. They needed to fix this right now, today, this evening. But…

”See you tomorrow… I guess”, Koganei said instead and slowly started to walk back towards the school, Mitobe right behind him.

* * *

 

It wasn’t surprise to the Seirin team that their coach would sometimes snap at them. Sometimes even pretty brutally, causing few bruises… Nothing too serious. Right now though, the girl had stayed quiet. She was unusually quiet to be honest. The truth was that she was fuming, she was angry. She was beyond angry. So angry that she didn't feel like that anymore.

After hearing the argument outside of the gym, it was like everything what has been in dark, the reason why Izuki had done what he had done, the answer had been right in front of her. Riko had been afraid that the reason to the point guards mental breakdown had been something horrible but the truth was way more than that an the girl couldn’t believe it.

Slowly, Riko turned to look straightly at Hyuuga, who still stared after Koganei and mItobe, and walked to him.

The slap all but echoed in dark and from the fast food restaurant’s walls. There was silence, none of them was moving.

Hyuuga’s head tilted to other side, staring dumbly to the ground trying to recall what had just happened and Riko standing in front of him, her hand raised and tears in her eyes, slowly rolling down her cheeks. The girl was trembling in anger, but she felt so tired not daring to rise her voice.

Riko sighed, not in defeat but in disappointed and sniffed. She didn't even care that her strong features were pretty much but shattering in small pieces on the ground, wind slowly wiping them away from the scene.

The coach didn’t look now only at Hyuuga but the whole team, she shook his head again. ”How could you actually do that to him?” she asked with small voice. ”I don’t know exactly what had happened… But just hearing that conversation, I don’t know what to think”, she continued.

Riko took few steps back, and rubbed her right arm with his left hand, still looking at the boy’s who were too afraid to look straightly at her.

”You know… I thought, and at this moment this feels horrible to say, but I hoped that Izuki did all that just because he was depressed”, she said, feeling actually awful to say that; ”And even thinking about that, it feels terrible to even think about… But the real reason was way more horrible… To be honest, I don’t even know what this feeling is.”

It wasn’t disappointment, it was not anger, it was not sadness… It was something more… _hollow_? It was weird feeling and totally strange and really hard to explain.

”I expect you to fix this”, Riko said after a while. ”I…I really don’t feel like I can be with you tonight either… This is-” the girl stopped, looking away and bit her lip. She blinked and wiped the tears away. Then she just turned away and started to walk away not saying anything.

The team, now only leaving Kagami, Kuroko, Kiyoshi and Hyuuga staring after her and watching her disappear. This evening was all but uncomfortable. It was full of tension, strange tension and all of them expected that something would explode.

* * *

 

Kuroko and Kagami made their way in silence away from the Maji Burger. They decided not to eat there, because all of them had lost their appetite. In good reason.

This was the longest time Kagami and Kuroko had stayed quiet with each other. Usually they would chat about, pretty much everything when they walked back home. They would stop in street ball court and maybe play one-on-one game against each other for fun. But not today.

”Kagami- _kun_ ”, Kuroko finally had said when they came to the point where Kagami would walk on his own street and Kuroko would walk other way. The red head turned to look at him, with cocked eyebrow.

”Do you think the captain should fix this? Kiyoshi- _senpai_ too… You also”, the light blue haired boy said and looked at towards his own street, not meeting Kagami’s eyes. Kagami only blinked. He then sighed and rubbed back of his neck.

”You know, Kuroko”, the red haired boy started and then looked up to the sky, closing his eyes.”You said something like that to him too… Pretty mean things, not straightly but agreeing with me and the others”, Kagami said. He felt bang of guilt in side of himself, because that statement had came out pretty wrong. It was unnecessarily blaming.

Hearing, Kuroko sigh, Kagami looked back at him and saw strange expression on the shorter boy’s face.

”I know, Kagami- _kun_ , I am well aware what I said”, Kuroko said quietly, smiling little. He turned to look at the taller boy, making the red haired boy flinch a little because of the expression he was wearing.

”How else I would feel like total crap right now?” Kuroko asked, before turning quickly away from him and walking away.

* * *

 

 

_From: Koganei Shinji_

_7:45 pm._

_Hey… I-I know I can’t… or I am mean that you don’t want to hear from us right now… But just want to make sure that you are okay? I, ugh, of course you are not okay, I am sorry…_

_But I just wanted to say that I am sorry, so sorry… Mitobe too… We, we both feel awful and… This really doesn’t mean anything to you, I’m sorry. Fuck, we both are so sorry Izuki, there can’t be enough ways to say how sorry we are and because…_

_We miss you._

Izuki read the message a couple of times. He swallowed and turned to look at the wall, before turning back to the message, only finding something wet dropping on his phone screen. The boy swallowed and let out a broken and voiceless sob and curled on the bed, his phone laying beside him, Koganei’s message still on the screen.

You are okay, breath… Those were the things he had repeated to himself all this week. But right now he felt like his world shattered down, not really understanding the reason to it. He was _not okay_ , he was far from it. He was all but okay, he felt like screaming and punching something. He needed air, he needed something so he could get this feeling away from himself.

Izuki reached his phone again, looking at it, once again reading the message. He hesitated for a minute or two, for him it felt like forever. Should he even answer… Would it make difference in anything… To be honest, Izuki wasn’t mad at Koganei or Mitobe. As stupid as it sounded, but they weren't the reason to this.

The point guard slowly tried to doodle something what he would answer to Koganei. Something, which didn’t sound broken, needy or pathetic. Not angry or frustrated. Something usual.

It took a moment, before Izuki swallowed and closed his eyes, calming his breaths. He rose his thumb top of the send button and opened his eyes, looking at the ceiling.

_Message sent!_

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, just to be clear, if you are going to read my future fanfics... Takao is not that kind of character in those, he will be protective yes but... Well, I really don't like the way he had turned out to be in this, he is pretty.. OOC to be honest.. Don't worry I will fix it soon :D
> 
> Oh and Kise... I must warn you but i really like to write sassy Kise and diva Kise... it's my guilty pleasure :D I am so sorry...


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard and really short, and to be honest... the story doesn't really go forward... Don't even bother with this :D Just kidding...

* * *

Izuki looked at himself from the mirror and tilted his head a little. He narrowed his eyes. The school uniform didn’t really hide the bandage around his neck. It wasn’t totally visible but it definitely was showing.

It was Friday morning and after being almost two weeks absent from school, Izuki had finally decided that now he was losing his mind and he got to get out of this house and get socialized. Sure he had been out with Takao and Midorima, hanging around with them in park or at Takao’s house, but Izuki needed others too.

The biggest thing happened this week was probably the Monday after the practice match between Touou and Seirin, and the events were clearly in his mind. After the match, everything had happened fast and Izuki had found himself at home, laying on his bed and soon texting with Koganei.

Koganei was the one who started to text him, apologizing hundreds of times. It had taken a while before Izuki was brave enough to text him back, but after that, it wasn’t very awkward anymore. Though, Koganei knew even via text messages that is wasn’t his usual self but who could blame him.

It was all matter the baby steps.

* * *

 

Izuki’s mother peeked around the corner and looked at her son with a small smile, which was somewhere between worry and happiness.

Izuki noticed her from the mirror and offered a smile back, turning around. He walked in front of the woman, who gave him his school bag. Izuki mouthed his thank you for her and kissed his mother’s cheek, before walking to the corridor.

”Why wouldn’t you stay home this day too?” the woman asked, her eyebrows furrowed in worry as she watched the boy tying his shoes. The point guard rose his gaze from his shoes, before turning to look at his mother with unimpressed look.

”I mean”, the woman started to explain and sighed. ”It is Friday already and the it would be weekend, so I just thought that maybe if you would go to school on Monday.”

_Mom… I have stayed at home two weeks already, I want to see something else than my room walls._

His mother sighed and offered a smile, before nodding. She walked in front of her son and pulled him in quick and strong hug. Izuki blinked confusedly and smiled to himself. His mother was acting like he was going somewhere far away. The boy patted the woman’s back and pulled away.

_I’m off._

”Take care”, Izuki- _san_ said and watched as her son walked out of the door, closing it behind him.”

* * *

 

So tell me Izuki- _kun_ ”, the psychiatrist started, giving a gentle smile to the boy in front of him. He was male, maybe somewhere middle of thirties with round glasses and kind eyes. On his white jacket there was his name tag: Dr. T. Honda, it said.

”How have you been?”

Izuki moved his gaze from the window to the man and shrugged. He was… not okay, but not not okay either. Does that even make sense? To be honest, the boy didn’t really know how he felt. It was like, this incident had took all his emotions, positive emotions away and all he could now feel was slight frustration, sadness, some of anger and… emptiness.

”Does your throat hurt?” doctor Honda asked and clicked the pen, tapping it against the note book on his lap.

They were sitting face to face at the school’s infirmary and it was the end of the school day. Izuki’s parents had talked with the principal and the nurse, also with the psychiatrist that their son would stay on Tuesday and on Friday after school to talk with doctor Honda. Of course they didn’t even talk with Izuki himself, if this was okay, because let’s be honest. Who would want to stay at school on Friday?

Izuki blinked at the question and moved his hand on his throat, rubbing it a little. Then he shrugged again.

_It’s not like it hurts… It’s just feels weird, when I swallow or open my mouth._

Doctor Honda read the message and nodded, writing something down on the notebook. Izuki eyed the pens movements with nervous expression and some what tiredly.

”Did your first day at school went well? There wasn’t any… weird behavior towards you?” Honda- _san_ asked, leaning a little bit forward.

Izuki shook his head again.

It was actually a nice surprise to the boy when he arrived to school. Everything seemed normal and everyone seemed to act normally towards him. Sure there was some people, his other friends, asking where he had been but luckily ogavnei was the saving angel telling them that Izuki had been sick and hospitalized. That his throat still hurt slightly. The classmates had bought it and smiled at Izuki, acting totally normally.

Izuki had mouthed his thank you’s to Koganei, who only waved his hand and said that it was what friends was for.

”Well that is good”, the doctor told and smiled again. There was a small pause in his talking when he started to write something down again. Then all of sudden the man stood up and walked to his table, before turning back to the boy.

”One more thing… Do you have problems with sleeping?”

Izuki blinked and thought for a minute. Now when the doctor mentioned it he actually may have a little. Yes, he definitely had a little problems, so he nodded.

”I will write you a recipe to some sleeping medicines”, Honda- _san_ told. ”Don’t worry, these are not very strong they just help you to get comfortable and relaxed.”

Izuki nodded and moved his gaze to his lap.

Doctor Honda walked back to his seat in front of Izuki and smiled, offering the recipe to the boy. Izuki took it and read it through, actually two times, before the man started to speak again.

”Even, we have our appointments on Tuesdays and Fridays, Izuki- _kun_ ”, Honda- _san_ said. ”I am here everyday, so you can come and talk tome about everything that bothers you okay? I will be here for you, so will your friends.”

Izuki bit his lower lip and nodded.

 _Lies_.

* * *

 

Izuki walked to his locker, avoiding everyone’s gaze. For once in his life he actually regretted that he hadn’t listened his mother. This was bad idea to do. It wasn’t like the day hadn’t been easy to deal with, since everyone were acting like nothing had happened. But for some reason Izuki thought that everyone was staring at him and talking about him, and that feeling made Izuki choke on his own breath.

When he got downstairs, happy to see that everyone were already went home and have their nice weekend, Izuki took his shoes from the locker and sat down on the floor for a moment. He just needed a minute and-

Like a hell his friends would be there for him. That was a lie, one big fat lie and from the actual doctors mouth.

Izuki was hundred precent sure that he didn’t have many friends anymore. At least not in this school, not good ones. Koganei and Mitobe… Riko… Yeah that was about it. Everyone else, his team… Hyuuga… nope, gone.

”Izuki!”

The said boy turned to look at the doors and saw Koganei and Mitobe standing there. They both were smiling gently at him and waving.

”We could go home together?”

Izuki closed his eyes and brushed all the thoughts away. He stood up from the floor and put his shoes on, before walking to his friends. Izuki then noted that Mitobe and Koganei both had their basketball jerseys on, but wasn’t it still to early to-

_Don’t you have practice or something?_

Koganei scoffed, actually scoffed and shook his head. ”I don’t feel like going, neither does Mitobe… We haven’t been at the practice in a week, you know why?”

They stopped and Koganei put his hands on Izuki’s shoulder. He gave him a waiting look and Izuki glanced at Mitobe, then back at Koganei. The the point guard shook his head, mouthing no and the grin spread across the small forward’s lips.

”Because the whole team is full of totally inbred boys, the worst of them is our dear captain, they don’t think and well, let’s be honest… How many games have I and Mitobe be lately?” Koganei said and cocked his eyebrow. ”Not very many, right? So why would we be at practice then?”

Izuki felt a little bad for these two. Because Koganei and Mitobe were great players and it was such a shame that they weren’t on the court as much as the others.

”But seriously Izuki”, the small forward said as they started to walk towards their homes again. ”Don’t mind those guys… You have better friends, me, Mitobe, Takao, Midorima, Moriyama, Kasamatsu and even that creepy guy from Touou.” Izuki smiled and hung his head.

Koganei was absolutely right, he had others too.

Screw Hyuuga and his team mates, maybe now ex-team mates.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am going to sleep now... Big basketball match tomorrow... or should I say today since it's almost 2 am in here... wow I am going to fall asleep on the court and what would our team do without their point guard... ugh :)
> 
> OH! And in next chapters the shit will go down... spoiler alert sorry :D the story will go rapidly forward
> 
> grammar fixing is in pro-cress so be patient, okay? :3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen... you have waited about a month and here i present you the new chapter :D Finally I finished it! Holy shit! These beginning notes aren't long... at the end there is more.
> 
> Now just read and enjoy the shit load and angst... yikes....

* * *

_”It’s called mind therapy, Hyuuga”, Izuki snorted as he glanced at the Seirin captain who frowned down to the cooking book. ”Doing something with your hands, like baking, is helping your brain to relax”, Izuki explained._

_The point guard had to grin at the face his friend was making and patted his shoulder gently. ”Don’t worry, I know you are bad at cooking so-”_

_”Hey!” Hyuuga said a little offended. ”I am excellent cook! I am not like Riko, okay?” he continued and untied Izuki’s apron, putting it on himself. Then he pointed at the kitchen table. ”You sit over there mister and I will bake this for you, and I will show you that I am absolutely amazing.”_

_Izuki blinked and then grinned. He mock saluted. ”Of course, you mighty Mr. Ramsay”, he snickered, earning death glare from the other boy and then walked to the table._

_Whole time he watched as the Seirin team captain worked with the receipt and the ingredients. Every once in a while he was about to stood up and go help Hyuuga, but every time he earned a death glare and sat down again._

_It took about ninety minutes, when the cake was ready… Well if you could actually call it a cake._

_Izuki looked at the pile in front of him and had hard time to contain the fit of giggles escaping through his lips. He just cleared his throat and took a deep breath, smiling up to Hyuuga who basically glared at his creation._

_Then the pile just started to collapse and in few second it was a thin pancake on the table. ”Oh my God, it’s alive”, Hyuuga muttered and this time Izuki just couldn’t help but start laughing. He threw his head back and the Seirin captain was afraid that the boy would actually choke himself in his laughter._

_”C-Congratulations Frankenstein”, the point guard giggled. ”You have created a monster.”_

* * *

 

”Are you sure?” Kise asked for a third time already and looked at the oven suspiciously and then glanced over his shoulder at Izuki, who only nodded and looked at the cooking book. Yesterday he had found this amazing new cooking book while he and Takao had been at library and found familiar cake receipt and suddenly he really liked to cook it.

So right now, Izuki, Kise and Takao were back at Midorima’s apartment and baking. Izuki didn't really like the idea of cooking at the green haired boy’s kitchen but takao had only waved his hand and grinned stupidly, saying that it was totally fine. He had key after all.

The blond hummed still not looking very convinced and frowned at the oven. ”It has been at oven an hour already”, the model complained. Izuki sighed and looked at Takao, who only nodded. The Shuutoku point guard grinned at Kise. ”Izuki says that he is going to ruin your face with flour if you don’t shut up.”

Kise gasped and looked at Izuki, who only smiled down the book. ”You are devious”, the blond chuckled and stood up, leaning on the counter. ”So why are we even making this?”

Izuki didn’t meet Kise’s eyes and just smiled sadly down to the book. The blond blinked and looked at Takao, who just shook his head, though he also looked pretty confused.

”I want to point out that it was my and Shun- _chan’s_ idea”, Takao quipped in, breaking the small tension and walked beside the Seirin player and casually put his arm around the older boy’s shoulders. ”I don’t even know why you are here.”

Kise scoffed and mockingly brushed his hair. ”Oh please, you got to admit that this is way more hilarious when I am here”, the blond told and Takao rose his eyebrows. Though he couldn’t say anything against that. It had been so long when he had been with Kise.

Izuki felt his phone vibrate and took it out of his pocket, looking at the sender and blinked. This was unexpected, kind of. The boy showed his phone to Takao, who read the message.

_From: Imayoshi Shouichi_

_2:37 pm._

_Need a company? ;)_

Takao rose his eyebrow and then smirked. ”Oh you little-”

Izuki gave him disapproving look and told via paper that the Touou’s captain was only his friend. Kind of… Honestly he didn’t even know. Kise also read the message, when Takao shrugged, and then blinked.

”Why don’t we ask Imayoshi-senpai come with us?” Kise suggested and looked at the duo. Izuki blinked and then turned to look at the hawk eyed boy as if asking if that was okay. Takao only smiled and nodded: ”More the merrier.”

So Izuki replied to the Touou player and send him the address, before putting his phone away and looked down at the cooking book. He blinked down at the pages and turned the next one. Then back to the one he had been staring. Izuki put the book down the counter and looked down to the oven.

”So… why are we baking a cake?”

”Shun- _chan’s_ birthday is coming up”, takao said quickly, suddenly really excitedly and grinned at the Seirin point guard. ”So he wanted to make a cake… Or at least try something new! Shun- _chan’s_ bakings are really good!”

Kise blinked and looked at Izuki. ”Wait, you are making yourself a birthday cake… By yourself?” the model said in disbelief and when Izuki just nodded, he all but jumped to hug the older boy. ”Oh you poor innocent soul!”

Izuki looked startled and tried to push the blond boy away, but Kise only held him tighter. Takao shook his head but he had his usual smile on his face, while he looked at the scene in front of him. ”Ki- _chan_ , what… just what?”

Kise sniffed and pouted. ”It is kind of sad, you know”, the blond mumbled and then sighed. It didn't go unnoticed by Izuki and Takao, how there was slight flash of anger in the model’s eyes, but it was so quick and gone almost immediately.

Kise then pulled away but didn’t take his hands from Izuki’s shoulders. ”This year your birthday will be absolutely amazing”, the blond said. ”Just me, Takaocchi, Koganei and that Mitobe guy with you”, he promised and Izuki blinked some kind of amusedly.

”Oh and also Imayoshi-senpai too!”

”What about me?”

The trio turned around and saw Touou’s captain walking to the kitchen. He pointed behind himself. ”The door was open so”, he told when Takao looked at him confusedly. Imayoshi turned to look at Izuki and grinned, walking over and wrapped his arm around the shorter boy’s shoulders. ”Baking?”

Izuki cocked his eyebrow. It’s amazing how blind you can be even you have glasses.

Imayoshi read the message and snorted, ruffling Izuki’s hair. ”Still acting cocky with me, huh?” the Touou player said and Izuki just smiled, pushing the other’s hand away only elbowing him with friendly manner as Imayoshi stayed at his spot next to him.

All this while Kise and Takao looked at the scene before them and then stared at each other. It was Kise who opened his mouth. ”Seriously, what is going on between you two?”

Izuki turned around to look at them with wide eyes and even Imayoshi looked a little shocked. Imayoshi then brushed his lips and hummed. ”How should I explain this?” he wondered and frowned thoughtfully. He felt Izuki tense slightly beside him and then continued: ”Let’s just say that after one practice match about three months ago I asked Izuki out and he said yes and… well that’s about it.”

Izuki gave a look at his friend and smiled thankfully and mouthed a small thank you, this all going unnoticed by the duo. Imayoshi just smiled at him and nodded.

Takao smirked. ”No spark, huh?” he said and immediately got hand full of flours on his face. Kise snorted and turned to look at the two males in front of him. He couldn’t help but think how they really fit together well. Judging by Izuki’s smile when Imayoshi helped him and talked with him with unusually calm voice, many people would think they were a couple.

”So you are like big brother to him, huh?” Kise said and gave adoring smile to Imayoshi. The Touou’s captain turned to look at him and rose his eyebrow. The blond grinned and patted his shoulder. ”Who would have thought that you had a soft side too.”

Imayoshi just opened his mouth to say something to Kise, but instead of that shut it immediately and smelled the air. He frowned and turned to look at Izuki. ”Do you smell something burning?”

Izuki blinked and then his eyes went comically wide as Takao muttered small shit and quickly went to the oven, ranking its door open. A thick black smoke immediately flew in the air and filled the kitchen. It was spreading towards the corridor.

”Oh… it’s ruined”, Kise coughed and looked sadly at the cake, which was now on the table. Izuki sighed and shook his head. This was just perfect.

Takao coughed and waved the smoke away, ”Maybe I should open the window before-”

_”Kazunari? I’m home.”_

Takao’s breath hitched and he all but darted towards the corridor, closing the door after him. He quickly smiled cheerfully to his boyfriend. ”Shin-chan! I love you so much!” and with that he jumped to hug Midorima, who all this time just stared at the usually but still unusually cheery boy clinging on him.

”Have you drank something?” the Shuutoku shooting guard had to ask and tried to push the boy away. Takao just let out a laugh again and tilted his head to look at the taller boy.

”Why? Do I need an excuse to tell my boyfriend that I love him?” he pouted and Midorima sighed, pinching his bridge of nose. ”No, Kazunari, you-” he sniffed the air. A frown appeared on Midorima’s features and he pushed the point guard away.

”Why do I smell that someone had just burnt?” Midorima asked and moved his gaze slowly back to Takao, who was now avoiding his gaze. The green haired boy narrowed his eyes and took a step toward Takao, who took step back. ”What did you do?”

”N-nothing.”

”Takao…” Midorima said with low tone and put his hand against the wall just beside the point guard’s head, who now turned his look at him. Midorima noticed immediately that Takao was pulling his fake innocent eyes on him and as much as he liked to deny it, those eyes actually worked perfectly.

Then out of nowhere there was a crash and high pitched yelp, causing Midorima’s gaze go back to his kitchen’s door.

”Shin-chan, don’t-”

But, as always, Takao’s reaction was coming way too late and the green haired boy had already left and all but dashed towards the kitchen, fearing the worst. But when he opened the kitchen door, this was seriously not something he had expected…

Right away, a thick smoke flew on his face and the shooting guard coughed, waving his hand and cursing Takao in his mind. What has he done now? Usually, Takao was an excellent cook and there had never been this kind of incidents in his kitchen when the certain point guard was cooking. But he should have known that this would happen someday.

Midorima stepped in the kitchen and walked quickly to the windows, yanking them open and the smoke quickly fell out of the window making it easier to breathe. The green haired boy turned to look at Takao, who smiled innocently at him form the doorway his hands behind his back, then his eyes dropped to the ground, noted that it was full of flour. Finally his gaze turned to the certain blond haired boy, at the seirin player and for Midorima’s surprise to the Touou’s captain, flours all over them.

”Do I even want to know?” Midorima asked slowly, gritting his teeth and squeezing his eyes shut.

”Well actually, it’s kind of the funny story-”

”Shut up, Kise”, Midorima stopped the model’s ranting and ignored the sharp look the blond gave it to him. Kise crossed his arms in front of his chest and pouted, huffing.

Midorima looked at Izuki, who avoided his gaze and instead looked at the ruined cake, or Midorima hoped it was supposed to be a cake, on the table with unreadable expression. The green haired boy frowned, but ignored the odd feeling and turned to look at Imayoshi. ”And what are you doing here?”

Imayoshi smiled. ”Oh I am just spending time with Shun-chan, Kise and your adorable boyfriend”, the Touou player told and his smile just grew when Midorima narrowed his eyes. ”And we tried, as you can see, bake a-” he looked at the recipe. ”-a cherry cake, but as you can also see, it failed pretty amazingly.”

Takao closed his eyes and prayed the God, that the boy would stop talking. He could already see the vein on Midorima’s forehead. Even Kise looked pretty alarmed. What he had learned from his Teiko days, even Midorima was pretty much the only sane guy there, almost, there was nothing good if Midorima was angry.

”Just… Clean this mess before my parents come home”, Midorima muttered, still looking slightly annoyedly at Imayoshi, who just decided to ignore him. Then his eyes flew back to Takao, who startled by that look. ”When I agreed to give you the key two weeks ago this was definitely not what I meant.”

Takao only shrugged and walked to the counter, beside Izuki who had already started to wipe the flour off the table. The Shuutoku point guard frowned at his friend and touched his shoulder gently, not expecting Izuki to flinch and turn to look at him alarmed.

”You okay?” Takao asked. Izuki just blinked and then shook his head smiling. He mouthed that he was fine, before he went back to his duty. He knew very well, that Takao didn’t really believe him not that he expected it, but the Seirin point guard was glad that his friend didn't continue the topic.

Kise sighed looking bored and continued to wipe the floor. This was not how he wanted to spend his Saturday. Then, like his wish had just came true, his phone vibrated and he quickly took it out of his pocket and a bright smile appeared on his face.

”Oh great!” he exclaimed, getting everyone’s attention. ”If you will excuse me, my boyfriend has just finished his part time job and I have to go.”

That got Midorima’s attention. ”Aomine is working? Why?” Seriously he really couldn’t imagine that cocky, lazyass bastard working anywhere. Kise gave him bored look, but smiled. ”Of course he is working and the reason why he is working is that we need money to pay our rent”, the blond told. Now that instead got everyone else’s attention.

 _Your rent?_ Izuki wrote down. Kise just laughed everyone’s expressions and winked.

”Why of course”, Kise chirped happily and started to walk backwards toward the door. ”We are not yet living together, but we are planning to move in immediately when Daikicchi had enough money, because we can’t live just with my earnings.”

Midorima looked at his old team mate with slightly horrified expression. ”What, how… Why are you moving in together? You have dated only-”

”A year is enough, Midorimacchi”, Kise sighed. Midorima huffed when he was being interrupted but just brushed that away and looked back at the model.

”I am being serious, Kise”, he started. ”As your old team mate, you should consider you- why are you walking funny? Stop it, that looks stupid.”

Kise did as he is told and a smirk spread across his lips. ”You want to know why am walking like this? It’s actually really good story, you know last night Daikicchi and-”

”Okay, that’s it! Out, out, _out_ ”, Midorima groaned and covered his ears, but could still hear Kise’s bright laugh. The blond looked at Imayoshi and his smile dropped slightly. ”Would you like to walk me to the door?”

Imayoshi looked at his kouhai’s boyfriend confusedly and noted the cocked eyebrow. Then he smiled and nodded. ”That would be my pleasure.”

Kise then smiled again and the turned to look at Izuki. ”Bye, bye Shun! See you soon”, he waved and disappeared to the corridor, Imayoshi right behind him.

Izuki turned to look at Takao, as if asking did he knew what was going on, but the other point guard just shrugged and smiled to his friend.

* * *

Imayoshi closed the front door behind him and turned to look at the blond, whose expression had turned more serious right now. Imayoshi adjusted his glasses. ”So what is this about?”

”Imayoshi- _san_ ”, the blond started and turned to look at the older boy with small frown. ”Can I ask you something?”

The Touou’s captain rose his eyebrows and crossed his arms, waiting. ”What is it? If this is something about Aomine- _kun_ , I am afraid-”

”No, no, no”, Kise said and the dropped his hands on his sides. He sighed and rubbed back of his neck. ”It’s nothing like that, I just-” he stopped again. Imayoshi could see that the blond had problems forming his issue to the words.

”Okay, I will say this just bluntly”, Kise told. ”Why did Izuki agreed to go out with you?”

”Why you ask?”

Kise moved his wight to his other leg. ”Well, Izuki he does… I mean, he is… you know… I mean I don’t know, I am not even sure but I could see it and-”

”Kise- _kun_ , stop”, Imayoshi said and the blond shut his mouth. After all, Imayoshi knew very well what the other one was going to say to him. So he just sighed and rubbed back of his neck. ”You know the reason already, Kise.”

Kise frowned. ”That is not true and you know it”, he said, causing Imayoshi to shook his head again. ”That’s not what I meant”, his gaze pored in the blonde’s eyes.

”He wanted to forget someone.”

* * *

”You are joking”, Hyuuga told and let out unamused laugh as he watched at Kiyoshi, who threw the basketball in the loop. The center sighed and wiped the sweat from his forehead, looking at his friend with small sadness in his eyes. ”No that is true. Every word I told.”

Hyuuga swallowed and dropped the ball on the mourn, letting it pounce away. He then dropped to his knees and sighed, making pitiful noise. ”I can’t believe it… Why didn’t he say anything? Why he told you?”

Kiyoshi looked at the captain and shook his head. ”I don’t know… Maybe because he has known me longer than you, Hyuuga and I promised to him, not to tell you.”

Hyuuga looked up at him. ”When? When did he told this? Why would he told this to anyone?”

Kiyoshi thought for a while. ”I believe it was after our one training camp, about four months ago.”

”Four. Months”, the captain spat out and rose to his feet. He pointed at the center and narrowed his eyes. ”You have kept me this information, four fucking months! I have tried to collect my own courage to tell Izuki how I personally feel about him for a year! Four a year, Kiyoshi!”

Kiyoshi looked sadly at him, while Hyuuga ran his hand through his black and sweaty hair and took a deep breath. ”Why didn’t he tell me? He should know tat he can tell me everything.” ”He wanted to get over you, Hyuuga”, Kiyoshi told quietly and sighed. As the captain turned to look at him again, Kiyoshi leaned down to pick up the ball. ”You should have seen him after that party, Hyuuga.”

”What party?” Hyuuga asked slightly annoyed by the fact that the center just couldn’t tell him the truth already. This was so frustrating.

Kiyoshi threw the ball again and missed the loop. He let out an annoyed breath and now with sharp eyes turned to look at their team captain. ”That party where he actually tired to tell his feelings for you”, he said harshly and walked towards the captain. He was feeling suddenly very annoyed just by remembering the incident there.

Sudden images of the look Izuki had, when he find their captain flirting with some girls and grinning goofy at them, flew into his head. That evening he had found the point guard staring blankly forward, after he had been so cheery and giddy, looking absolutely miserable and pale. Kiyoshi had asked what was wrong but the point guard had just swallowed and shoot a broken look at him before walking away.

After Kiyoshi had seen what had caused the point guard’s sudden escape, he had never felt such a temptation to hit the captain on his face. Even they were friends.

He had found Izuki outside, but he hadn’t been alone. There was Imayoshi, leaning against the wall beside him and they were chatting.

And the point guard had threw his head back and laughed. When he noticed how Imayoshi started to lean towards his friend, he left the scene, feeling like he had interrupted something but feeling slightly confused and hollow too.

* * *

 

Koganei threw his head back as he laughed, ignoring the look Izuki gave him and making Mitobe grin too. Izuki just pouted slightly, but couldn’t help the small smile tug on the corners of his mouth, when his friend just kept laughing. Koganei had very contagious laugh after all.

”So let me get this straight”, the small forward started, still giggling slightly. ”You went to Midorima’s kitchen and almost burned it down. As in Generation of Miracle’s Midorima’s.”

Izuki buried his face in his hands and blushed with small embarrassment. He was actually really good at baking, but… Well something triggered that failure. Mitobe just patted his back, but Izuki knew that he was still smiling at him.

”Oh God, you are amazing”, Koganei told grinning and shook his head. ”Glad you are still alive with that”, he continued and then flinched at his choice of the words. Koganei stopped an looked at his friend with sad look. ”Shit, sorry.”

Izuki blinked and smiled, waving his hand. _I don’t have any idea what you are implying. We are going to be late for the class._

They started to walk towards their next class again, Koganei complaining how he hadn’t done his homework because he had something else to do and Izuki just looking at him with cocked eyebrow and grin, causing the small forward splutter what ever his friend was implying. They were just about to turn around the corner when a loud yell of the name echoed on the walls.

”IZUKI!”

The said boy flinched and then his eyes widened, recognizing the owner of the voice. he turned around and freeze immediately when he saw very annoyed looking Hyuuga stomping towards him and his friends. Koganei and Mitobe moved a little in front of the point guard, both little startled by their captain’s behavior. He actually got every other student’s attention who were in the hall, attention.

When Hyuuga was in front of the trio, looking at Izuki with narrowed eyes while Izuki looked at him in fear, Hyuuga pushed Koganei and Mitobe out of his way and took a tight grip on Izuki’s wrist, pulling the boy with him. ”We need to talk!”

* * *

Hyuuga let go of Izuki’s wrist and backed the poor boy against the brick wall of their school. Izuki was trapped and there was no escape judging the way how the captain was leaning both of his hands against the wall and leaving Izuki’s head between them. The point guard could feel himself starting to hyperventilate but couldn’t tear his eyes away from Hyuuga. Hyuuga’s expression was somewhere between sorrowful and anger.

”I heard a fascinating story this weekend”, the captain all but sneered, not really feeling himself. Deep inside he really knew that he was acting like an asshole right now and this wasn’t like him at all. He didn’t know if this was a jealousy or frustration… Or longing.

”Kiyoshi told me about you and that sadistic captain incident”, the captain continued and Izuki’s eyes widened more if it was possible. But soon he narrowed his eyes and tried to duck under Hyuuga’s arms, but was pushed against the wall again. Izuki closed his eyes and flinched again. Needless to say but he was scared right now.

”You know what he also told me?” Hyuuga said, his voice dropping lower and the hardness of it disappearing. Izuki cracked his eye open and looked at him warily. ”About your feelings, Izuki”, he finished. The point guard didn't miss the crack in the captain’s voice.

There was a silence between them, neither of them moving and Izuki just staring at Hyuuga, still a little panicked as Hyuuga turned his eyes on the ground and shook his head.

”Izuki”, the seirin captain started sounding rather miserable. He leaned his forehead against the mute boy’s shoulder, ignoring the way Izuki flinched again. ”Me too… I also have liked you so long. I have been too afraid to tell you because I didn’t know how you would react”, he rose his head and moved his hands, now placing them both side of Izuki’s head while the point guard just kept staring at him.

Izuki didn’t know what to think. Part of him, the big part of him wanted to ran away from here and away from Hyuuga, but then there was this smaller part which wanted to hug Hyuuga, not letting him go, telling him that everything was fine… Kiss him… Feel him and just let everything go.

The point guard opened his mouth, but then the reality really stroke into him. His hand flew on his throat and his eyes widened again and the unshed tears started to fall on his cheeks. He couldn’t do this. The breathing was hard… Shit…

_Just shut up._

_Do us a favor and die._

”Izuki I-”

The point guard gasped for a breath and it took almost all his strength to push the boy away from him as he ran away. The yell of his name being called echoed through the school yard as Izuki closed his eyes and juts followed his path through the school gates and to the street.

He didn’t know where he was running. He was well aware that he will miss the school and all his things was left there. His phone also but right now Izuki couldn’t care less. All he wanted right now was get as far away as it was possible form that place and from everyone. From Hyuuga.

_”I also have liked you so long.”_

The words from Hyuuga echoed through his mind and he felt like screaming. He would scream in frustration and curse his life if he could. Oh how much he wanted to do that.

Izuki stopped, gasping for a breath and leaned against the tree next to the road and closed his eyes trying to calm himself. But as much as he tried, he couldn’t get calm. Izuki sobbed silently as he opened his eyes again when he get a very nasty flash back of that certain day’s events. Hyuuga flirting with girls. Then the memory where his team turned against him. Then the memory of himself looking at the mirror, looking as his mirror self slid his own throat open.

_Wet… Blood… Gasping…_

_Screaming… blurriness… Blood…_

_Blood…_

His vision started to swim and darken, causing Izuki to shook his head and let out a desperate breath. This was not a good at all. The point guard put both of his hands against the tree and tried to calm himself down, telling himself that he would do this. This was just a small panic attack and he had dealt with there a while now.

His vision went blurry and he collapsed on his knees, leaning also his forehead against the tree. The voices around him started to get fuzzy and Izuki couldn’t help but think how poorly this day had turned out to be. Why this was his life? Someone had really bad humor when he liked to play with him like this.

Like he hadn’t already suffered enough.

Izuki gasped again, now his hand clenching the fabric of of his school uniform and cried. He would die in here…

”Y…u… ok…ay?”

Izuki could have sworn he heard someone talking to him, but wasn’t sure. In this state he wasn’t really sure of anything. He just wanted this to stop. To be able to breath again and maybe just turn the time and be strong enough to not…

Two hands on his shoulders and more fuzzy noises. Izuki heard the sirens, at least he thought he did. Slowly he turned his gaze, even he couldn’t focus on anything, to look at this person whose hands was on him. He looked at this person with desperate eyes and when the stranger kneeled down on beside him, Izuki let go of his shirt and all but collapsed against this person’s chest, clinging on their shirt.

”…ang…on…zuki”

And blackness.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohohoho... ho... yeah, there we had it. Everything went into flames and everything is horrible forever :3
> 
> But anyways, I try to get this story done with as soos as I can, but it might be slightly hard since my school started a week ago and I am a senior now and I will be graduating on Fall 2016, but i will try my best ^^
> 
> Also the other reason why this is chapter is so late is because I had my second final game last week and to be honest it was the most hilarious game I have ever played on... Now you might think how the serious basketball game can be hilarious, well I tell you why.
> 
> You see our opponent had had almost five penalties when the game had lasted only seven minutes... Our whole team was gaping at them and looked at those players like do they really even know the rules?! But the most shocking thing was that our whole team, which had been on court was so bruised, and I had my whole right forearm full of bruises and it really hurt to touch :/ Our center started to bleed from his thigh and I really am starting to doubt those fucking referee's ... how could they not notice?!
> 
> Ugh, I am so frustrated


End file.
